Tuesday, November 10, 2015

Melatonin Thoughts: Episode One

   So it's not even 2 o'clock in the morning here on my beautiful southern college campus and I am awake.  I'm not trying to shock you or anything; a college kid and the wee hours of the morning are no strangers.  But anyway, I'm lying (laying? (chickens lay eggs, Jillianne. Humans lie down. (Right?)) I honestly don't know.) in bed, waiting for my melatonin sleep-aid to kick in and I just thought I'd check in with everyone, make sure you're all alive and well.  Also, besides the fact that this drug puts me out *snaps fingers* like that, I am also going in between this page on my computer and the one that is educating me on Italian folklore, so forgive me if my writing is scattered stylistically.  I also have a small stack of Oreos on my bedside table that I'm enjoying while I wait for this medicine to do its job.  Fun fact: Melatonin is also used to treat anxiety along with lack of sleep.  So I find it kind of ironic that Oreos are my vice of choice, because I feel like if there's anything on this world that would decrease sleep and increase anxiety, it would be Oreos.  But hey, whatever.
   Aren't relationships weird?  It's like, one day everything changes.  I am currently in a relationship, with the wonderful Lo who was featured in an earlier post on this very blog in which you find yourself currently.  He is wonderful, he truly is.  He was sick today, so wish him well.  But anyway, every now and again I will look at him and I'll just have this one macro thought that's really a billion things but it only takes a second for me to get the idea:
   Long before I met Lo, I thought I had met the one.  I was much younger and I was in a very different place in my life.  I would listen to those who said things like "The people you meet in high school won't be in your long-term life" and "high school love isn't forever" and I was just like "you have no idea what you're talking about. But me, I know what I'm talking about. I know it. I'm right."  Well, I was wrong.  And I have never found more delight in being completely wrong.  I spent years determined and convinced that I was going to spend my life with this certain person.  Even after we broke up for the last time, I still thought that after many years we would find our way back to each other and be together again (clearly I've watched far too many John Hughes and Nicholas Sparks movies and I need to go read Tolstoy or something).  But then when I decided to take a semester off instead of starting school, I began to realize that maybe that future wasn't in the cards for me.  I couldn't understand.  Why couldn't that work out for me?  I had already been through hell for many different reasons.  When I start school in January, I expect things to turn around.  I'm not saying I wanted this guy to be at my door step, but I wanted a friend.  I couldn't take any art classes so I had to endure everything else.  I had no friends except for the ones I arrived with and my life was numb.  I didn't hate myself, which was refreshing, but I wasn't in love with myself either.  I also couldn't understand why I wasn't being approached with friendship offers; I'm cute, I'm charming.  Life wasn't going my way and I didn't see why.  By the end of the semester, I'm sick of it.  I begin to make plans to transfer in a year or two to a school where I am adored for my charm and cuteness: Savannah College for Art and Design.   Fall arrives.  I have an art class.  I expect to make a friend.  I also expect this semester to not differ heavily from my previous semester.  I still expect to be in bed by 8, watch a movie on HBO every other day, and finish a book a week.  Once again, I was wrong.
   All that time I spent crying and looking at the sky asking someone up there, "WHY?! Why can't I have the things that I want? Why is everything in my life going wrong?!" That same someone was silently laughing back at me, because little did I know, that everything was actually going very right.
   It's crazy how you can be fully independent one day, and then the next you have this other person that you find yourself dependent on.  I'm not saying I need Lo for my survival.  But I am saying that when he isn't with me, I find myself looking around feeling the same way I felt as a child whenever I left my lunchbox at home.  You can live a day without lunch, but the day is so much better with the lunch, and after a few days without it, you just turn bitter and empty and your friends start offering you their rejected carrot sticks as if that can fill the hole.  He has truly become my other half and that is the best feeling in the whole world.  I actually have someone who twirls me around in the street not because I like it, but because he likes it.  I have someone whom I can tell the weirdest stuff to (I'd give an example, but again, it's weird, and he gets the point).  It's more than having a best friend.  Because yeah, I have best friends and they're sensational, but Lo is my best friend and I'm also in love with him which makes it even better.
   So in those heavy moments when I look at him and smile, the gist of what I'm feeling is something along the lines of "I love you. And I'm so glad my life was so shitty because it was all part of the miracle that got me to you."
   That's not really where I thought this post would take me... All I'm saying is that if you're in a bad place right now, keep your head up.  It's around the corner and you have to trust the world.  Good things are coming, and you have to survive in order to see it.  I promise, it's worth your while.
   I'm out of Oreos, I'll talk to you guys later.

Monday, October 26, 2015

Yoga




We had a mini yoga session one summer morning.  There were couples sitting out on their porch, sipping their coffee, cheering us on.  It's not an easy thing (yoga on a board, not sipping caffeine on a porch, that's easy), but we managed.  Sarah Anne is obviously a yoga master when it comes to paddle boarding.  And as you can see, I am not.  I did a few poses, but they weren't worthy of photo documentation.  

Saturday, October 24, 2015

This Has Nothing To Do With Kayaking

   Forgive the blunt title, but I don't know how else to say it. And I wanted to make it clear before you read this and say, "What the hell?"  This post is not going to be as linear as the others.  It's going to be more of a stream of consciousness, so excuse me because I'm basically going to be rambling. 

   I am starting to think that I am going to start using this blog for telling stories about things other than kayaking.  I mean, of course stories about the yak will still be told.. but, maybe I could talk about other things, too.  That would make this blog less of a brand and sort of become more of a movement and much more personal than it has been.  I know I have shown emotion in previous posts and written about terribly sad things and such, but I mean I could talk about the real stuff if I wanted to. 
   Maybe I should give you some context here.  Two years ago it was suggested to me that I could have depression.  I laughed at the idea because it was so obvious.  People who don't have depression don't spend their nights begging that spirit in the sky to take them away, and then wake up disappointed when they're still here.  So yeah, I was depressed.  
   I like to think that I am a rather content person.  I am not fidgety and I don't treat my phone like an IV.  I am more than willing to lie in the grass for hours and watch the clouds roll by.  I do not get bored and I love a companion's company.  I am perfectly capable of being able to just be.  And for a while I thought that meant that I was happy.  Because, shouldn't contentment and happiness be the same thing?  Maybe it is more important to be content than it is to be happy; or maybe you need one to have the other.  I don't know anymore.  
   The thing people have to understand about depression is that it is not an easy fix.  The key to pulling oneself out of the dark is not the same for everyone and it is not the same key every time.  You can get yourself to happy times, but that same trick won't do it for you the next time.  After time and time of doing this, you can imagine how the motivation can disappear.  I was in better days for a while, long enough for me to get the crazy idea that it could stay like that.  Then one day I found myself with my x-acto knife pressed against my leg.  The shear fact that I was doing it scared me and I called my friend at 2 o'clock in the morning to meet me in my car.  We sat there for hours saying things that I didn't even know were inside of me and I cried and cried until I truly couldn't cry anymore.  I had my head pressed against the window and I remember looking over at her and seeing that she was crying more than I was.  I smiled a weak smile at her and said, "Please don't cry.  It's going to be okay."  She cried even more and said, "You're not the one who should be saying that right now."  When I told her I didn't know what to do, she gave the simple answer: Do what you did last time.  Oh, simple and sweet friend.  If only it was that easy.
   Depression is scary because it can morph so easily.  It lies to you and there is nothing worse than having something inside you that makes you believe you're better off dead.  You can be in the clear one moment and then drowning in the darkness the next moment.  Something like that does not have a simple solution.  You can't take a pill and call it a day.  They have medicines, yes, but all they do is compress the feeling.  You can still say "I want to die," but when you try to act on it, it feels like someone or something is holding you back.  Maybe that's not the worst thing, but it isn't good when you actually need to show emotion.  Emotion isn't a bad thing when it's not trying to kill you.  The medicine also compresses happiness.  You can still say "This is so fun, I want to smile," but something is holding you back.  
   Depression is also scary because it can make you feel badly for feeling badly.  It makes you feel selfish and whiney.  I have a wonderful family who loves me, wonderful friends who make me laugh, a wonderful boyfriend who accepts me for the toddler I am, and a wonderful cat who is always happy to see me.  But that doesn't mean I am happy.  I appreciate all of the wonderful things my life has been blessed with, but I do not appreciate the demon inside of me that thinks all of those things would be happier without me.  Depression lies.  And it is ruthless.  And it will spin something beautiful into something gray and lifeless.  
   When I found myself crying in my car at 3 in the morning, I don't know if I was more upset over the things I was saying, or the fact that I was upset again.  After I spent so much time putting myself together again.  Imagine if the king's horses and men did put Humpty Dumpty back together again.  They spent years gluing him back together, piece by piece and shard by shard.  When they finally finished, they rejoiced and celebrated! Can you believe it? They accomplished an impossible task.  But then, someone tripped and poor Humpty Dumpty fell to his death once again.  The horses and men stood, looking at the chips by their feet with their mouths hung open.  The idea of spending all of that time again had no luster at all.  But would it be worth it?  Or should they just go home and call it a day?
   
   Maybe #BackOnTheYak could be a metaphor of sorts.  Kind of like the phrase: Back on the wagon.  I'll post updates: happy ones and sad ones.  The ultimate goal is to get back on the yak.  That could be the yak, literally, or a different one.  The yak being a place of original and pure happiness.  Because I'd really like to get back there.. 

Wednesday, October 21, 2015

Georgia's Small Animals

   I'm going to be honest with you.  When I make a decision to travel somewhere, about 35% of that decision is based on if the location has a desirable kayaking spot.  In May, when I traveled to Austin, Texas, sure I wanted to see my family and go back to my Texas roots, but a part of it was because I thought we could all go kayaking under the Congress Avenue bridge (the kayaking didn't work out, but that's fine. It was still the best and Austin is now one of my favorite cities).  In June I traveled with my mom and my sister to Washington D.C. for my cousin's graduation.  I love America, I love my family, I love traveling.  But hey, how cool would it be to go kayaking down the Potomac River? That trip didn't work out either, looking back I easily could have grabbed Graham and headed down there one morning but oh well.  Maybe next time.  In July, I flew over to Atlanta, Georgia, to visit my father and his girlfriend.  A few days before I'm scheduled to get there, my dad calls me and asks me to research the Chattahoochee River.  I don't think too much of it.  Yes, I would love to go kayaking but if we don't get to it, it's no skin off my nose.  So I look into it anyway, the prices were a little high for my liking.  I let my father know, he doesn't think it's an issue.  "I've never done it before," he says, "It'll be fun.  Plus, it will be great for your blog."  I laugh and say okay.

   So I fly over to Atlanta, take a train to my dad's house, and we drive over to the river to rent the boats.  When we arrive, I become a tad disheartened.  The only kayaks that are available are sit-ins, and the majority of them don't have back rests.  Not to mention that there are plenty of people already out on this river.  There are huge groups of college kids celebrating the beginning of summer by tying together 20 inner-tubes.  The river is larger than what I had in mind, not to mention the strong current...

   Maybe I was just exhausted and over-rot from my extremely full day of travel, but kayaking down that river had to be one of the worst experiences of my life.  There was a moment, maybe longer than a moment, when I swore off kayaking from my life.  I threw my paddle down and said, "Never again."  My father was far ahead of me and I was struggling.  No matter how hard I pushed forward, I was going nowhere.  The current was too strong and everyone around me was too loud.  I go kayaking for the experience with nature.  I go for the feeling that I am getting an inside look at a special niche in the Earth that can only be accessed by kayaking there.  I go for the feeling of being completely immersed and overwhelmed by a sense of contentment and serenity.  I achieved none of these things on this kayaking trip.  A drunk abhorrence hung over the entire river, and I wanted no part of it.

   After a while, my father was becoming sick of my distaste and discomfort so he decided to lead me to a side stream that connected to the river.  It was narrower, smoother, and had a lovely canopy of trees; reminding me of home.  This was more like it.
   As we're paddling, I notice something moving in the water about six feet away.  Naturally, my first thought is that it's an alligator.  But it wasn't big enough and it was making more of a splashy movement.  Is it a snake? Maybe...
   "Dad," I say, "What is that?  A snake?"
   He paddles a little closer, but the creature starts heading right towards us.  We both stare at it, trying to get a better look at whatever this was.
   It seemed to click for the both of us at the same time.  I see the animal's little head poking above the water level and my dad and I both say, almost in unison, "A chipmunk!"
   His big brown eyes were flashing at Dad as if to say, "Please get out of my way.  I can't go back there, something wants to eat me."  His little paws were paddling along and he seemed to be using his tail to keep his balance.  Never in my life had I ever seen a chipmunk swim.  I didn't even know they could swim.  My dad was laughing and said, "That't the coolest thing I've ever seen.  Jillianne, I know it was rough earlier, but that made the whole trip worth it."

   As we go a little further, the river starts to get narrower and rocks start showing up in my path.  At a certain point, we reach a small set of rapids.  Water is rushing over the rocks and my dad is trying to find a way through.  "We could get out of the kayaks and pulls them through and keep going?" He suggested.  I paddle up to the rocks and sit to listen to the sound of the running water before saying, "I don't know, we could probably just turn around.  It's getting late anyway."
   "True.  Let's just sit for a minute," he smiles and says.
   He takes a sip of his water, looks around, and says to me, "Okay, when you get home, you have to tell your mother this."
   I laugh and say, "Why?"
   "I want you to say "Mom, Dad took me to this river and it was level five rapids! Mom, I was so scared" and then tell me what she says."
   I throw my head back laughing and say, "Yes, because this is so threatening.."

   So this kayaking trip wasn't what I thought it was going to be.  It wasn't the best experience I've ever had, but it certainly wasn't the worst.  I got to spend time with my father, I saw a chipmunk SWIMMING (seriously though, how cool is that?), and I got to kayak in a completely new place.  Even though that trip was extremely... humbling, I am still a kayaker. 

Thursday, September 17, 2015

Paddle Lo, Sweet Jellyfish

8:52 p.m. September 12, 2015
Logan: What time do I need to be there tomorrow?
Me: Maybe 9:30-10? The later it is, the choppier the water is
Logan: I'll probably leave my house at around 8:30
Me: Yeah, that sounds fine
Logan: Ugh I'm so excited. I think I'm going to go to bed right now so it will get here faster

My eyes open and I roll over to look at the clock.

9:10

   I blink at the time before I realize.. Logan will be here any minute. *Gasp* He could be here right now! Oh my God.  I leap out of bed and throw on some shorts.  My mother pokes her head in my door and says, "Sweetie, what time is Logan supposed to arrive?"
   I take a breath of relief and say, "I don't know, probably soon." I reach over my bed and look at my phone.

8:20 Logan: Well I'm leaving now
8:20 Logan: I'll see you in a bit
9:11 I'm like ten minutes away

   "Actually, he'll be here in ten minutes," I say with a smile.
   Mom nods and walks out.  I finish getting dressed before walking outside to get everything ready. I hear Mom call to me as I walk out the door, "Paddle and life vests are already in the car!" I turn around and sit in the kitchen with her and Kirby.
   Kirby is talking about the football games we missed last night and how his job "is really cutting into turn-up nights". I'm not paying attention, I just sit and watch out the window, waiting for Lo to pull up.
   I walk over into the dining room to look for my shoes when I see a car pull into the front circle.  A small squeal escapes my mouth and I smile over at my mother and say, "He's here."  She rolls her eyes as I dance out the door to give him a hug.
   "Welcome to my home!" I say as I wrap my arms around him.

   "Jillianne, do not go down Alligator Alley.  It's cold outside so they're probably all out and about enjoying this weather," my mother says as I fill up two water bottles.
   "I think it's the opposite," Kirby chimes in, "They don't like the cold."
   Mom gives him a glare and says, "No, there will be a ton of them, just waiting for a snack to drift by."
   Lo pipes in, "I actually think this guy is right.  They don't like cold. I think they'll just stay at the bottom."
   I laugh nervously as I search for the lids that go with the bottles.
   "Well, either way.." Mom can't finish her argument.

   During the drive to the launch, I give Logan the tour of my town; telling him which bank is mine, the school I went to, where Mom works, Jane Todd's house, and the beach.
   When we finally have the boats in the water, it's about 10:15.  I've been kayaking during this time before and I was nervous when I realized I would be doing it again today.  Normally at this time, the water starts to get wavy, making it difficult during certain stretches of the trip.  But today seemed to have a different aura about it.  The temperature was in the low 70s and there wasn't a cloud in the sky.  There was a nice breeze but it didn't seem to affect the water at all.  The water wasn't still, but it wasn't necessarily rough either, it seemed lovely.  For a normal September day in the South, it couldn't be any less normal.
   I push Logan out into the water and he tries to stay in place.
   "Paddle out into the opening," I say.
   "No, then I'll miss you. I'll sit and wait."
   I laugh and sit in my kayak, scooting along into the water.  Gliding past him, I head left out to the main water.  He trails behind me as I tell him which way the golf course is and which way we'll be coming back from, "Just so you know where you are," I smile at him.
   I look back and see Logan far behind.  I put my paddle down and fold my hands in my lap, listening to the cicadas' humming fill the air.  Normally in Mississippi, you can't see fall coming.  There is no transition, you go to bed one day in the summer and wake up the next morning in the winter.  Trees lose their leaves over night and what was once a lush green area becomes a dead brown spot all within the blink of an eye.  But on that abnormal September morning, I could feel fall approaching.  I looked up at the tops of the Pine trees that line the murky banks of this swamp and notice that the higher branches of needles have been dipped in shades of red and orange.  The majority of the tree is still green, and I think I probably wouldn't have noticed the change in color if I hadn't stopped to look.  Blades of grass that stick out above the water wave and dance as I drift, almost as if they are happy that I am back with them, enjoying this beautiful day in their company.
   Logan catches up with me and says, "I need to up my game so we can paddle together."
   I laugh and say, "I'll try to take it easy."

   We begin making our way through Alligator Alley and Logan comments on the beauty.  I nod but something next to me catches my eye.  At first I thought it was just a fish, but it was too white.  Then I thought it was a trash bag floating along, but when I focus on it through the dirty water, I realize: It's a jellyfish.  "Logan!" I yell. "Look! Oh my gosh! It's a jellyfish! What?! I've never seen one before! Why is it here! Logan, look! Oh my gosh! Do you see it? What on Earth? Can you believe it? A jellyfish, Logan! Look! Wait, oh my gosh, come back! I need a picture. Logan, do you see it?!"  I try to paddle back to find it as I whip out my camera.  It dances along through the water, twirling in circles and pumping up and down below me.  Logan makes his way over and watches it, not exactly sharing my same level of enthusiasm.  "How have I never seen one before?" I ask as I admire it from afar.
   Continuing down the alley, I spot another one. This one is red and much smaller than the last one.  Logan smiles and says, "Would you look at that?"
   As we paddle back around the island towards the house, Logan asks me how I know my way around so well, "Like, how did you find all of these little pathways and stuff?"  I tell him how when I first got my kayak, Trea and I went out here everyday and just took a different route each time.
   "So you mapped it out by just exploring?" he says.
   I smile, "Yeah.  I like it put that way."

   As we get closer to the launch, Logan grabs the side of my kayak and thanks me for bringing him out here.
   "I know how special this place is to you, and I appreciate the fact that you wanted to share it with me.  This has been wonderful, truly," he says with a smile before leaning over and giving me a kiss.  I smile and tell him that I hope he wants to come back sometime.
   We pull up to the launch and take a breath.  Logan sighs and says, "I don't want to stop, but I'm also really hungry."
   I laugh and suggest a good place for lunch.  I grab my paddle and look down into the water before I step out..
   And there, dancing above the ground in the 6-inch deep water that sits in between Lo and I, is a jellyfish.  My eyes widen and I smile, not having any words left to describe my joy.  Logan smiles at it and then smiles at me, saying, "What a perfect way to end this perfect trip."
 

Monday, September 7, 2015

Kayaking vs. Paddle Boarding

   Yesterday someone asked me how many times I went kayaking over the summer.  I cringed when I realized the answer.  Once.  Once! I went kayaking once over the summer.  But, in my defense, I went paddle boarding multiple times.  This doesn't make anything better and it leaves me feeling like I cheated on my beautiful Sun Burst.  I like to think I have a pretty good idea of who I am, and if there is anything that I am sure of in this life, it's that I was given a new life when I sat in my kayak for the first time and that my heart will always belong in one.  But lately, I have been spending more and more time with a paddle board.  I haven't been doing this because I think it is better than kayaking, it's just a completely different experience.  

   Before everyone starts thinking I am going to change this blog to "BackOnTheBoard", let me explain:

   The joys that come with kayaking have to do with comfort and versatility.  When you're on a kayak, you're able to go to all sorts of places.  The water conditions could be anywhere between the stillness of a bathtub to the anger of the Ocoee River, and you have a good chance of being okay while in a kayak.  There is also the perk of having that back rest; when you find yourself in the presence of true beauty, there is nothing stopping you from sitting back, folding your hands in your lap, and letting the world pull you along.  Finally, kayaks are safe and fast.  When I found myself face to face with an alligator while balancing on a paddle board, one of the first things that came to mind was my kayak.  A gator can flip a board with about the same level of struggle that comes with swimming.  A kayak gives you way more balance and control.  

   Paddle boarding is the opposite, but that doesn't make it superior or inferior in any way.  There is little comfort associated with paddle boarding, but there is liberation.  While you aren't able to recline and drift, you are able to stand and stretch your arms to the sky leaving you feeling like you have acquired some power to stand on water.  You can also fold your legs off the edge and just lie down (although I wouldn't recommend it, because you know, that's practically advertising yourself as gator bate) while watching the sky.  Being on a board also gives you quite the workout without feeling like one at all.  If you spend the entire trip standing, you're going to wake up the next morning with a sore tummy and some killer quads.  They also make it easy to slip into the water and slip right back on to the board.  If you fall out of a kayak, you have to do this kind of dance with it to get back in; a paddle board will stay with you as you easily pull yourself back up above the surface.  

   Both water sports have their ups and their downs.  I can call them both relaxing, but I could give two very different arguments for why that is.  At the end of the day, it depends on the person.  Both are enjoyable, both have their stress levels, and both have their beauty.  But when it comes down to it, I know where I belong.

Wednesday, September 2, 2015

Off The Yak

   I've never been paddle boarding.  But I've watched Jane Todd and Kayla do it plenty of times.  I'm too lazy to put the kayak rack back on the car so I ask if I can go paddle boarding with Jane Todd rather than kayaking.  No body sees why not.
   The two of us drive over to the yacht club in the morning to pick them up.  Jane Todd grabs the key to the shed while I slip a blanket on to the top of the car.  I help her move boxes of styrofoam cups out of the way and then we heave the beasts out of the small room.  The boards rest on the car with the fins sticking up towards the sky.

   It's the most difficult thing I've ever done in my life.  Once I slide onto mine and drift out into the water, I immediately start taking on water, I'm wobbling over to each side just enough to feel like I'm going to flip, and no matter how I paddle I start turning 180º.  I'm uncomfortable but I know that if I try to adjust myself this board will be bottoms up.  I look at Jane Todd.  She makes it look so easy.  She's jumping around, cruising farther away from me by the second.
   "Jane Todd!" I cry out, "How do I make it work!"
   She looks at me and laughs, "Well, for starters, you're on it backwards."
   I look down at my feet and back at her, "Are you sure?"
   "I'm positive."
   Very cautiously, I turn myself around and start paddling.
   It's a miracle!  I'm flying!  Okay, not really, but it's so much easier.  The fin is in the back and I can do it!

   Okay this is still the hardest thing I've ever done. We've gone a mile and I have gained zero confidence. Maybe I can stand.. Nope. That was a terrible idea.  I'll just sit. No! I can do better than that! I'll just sit on my knees. That's basically the same thing as standing, right? Right.

   Jane Todd is no where in sight. Wait, I think here mousey call.. "Jillianne?"
   "I'm here!"
   "Where?" she calls.
   Jane Todd there's only one way you can go. I'll give you three guesses on where I am.
   "Marco!" I scream.
   A pause, "POLOOOO!"
   I see her turning around the corner to join me as I struggle.
   "How can you do this so easily?" I ask softly.
   She smiles, "How can you kayak so easily?"
   "I mean, I do it a lot."
   "Exactly," she motions her hand over her board, "I feel the same."

   We're coming up on Alligator Alley. I made it under the bridge with no problem and I'm improving my steering. Things are good.
   All of sudden, I hear a hiss coming through the grassy swamps that are on our right. It sounds like a rustling, something is in there?  I'm watching, sitting as still as I ever have in my life.  Jane Todd's eyes are glued, my eyes are glued.. Fifteen feet in front of us, a full-grown, 7-foot, mama gator makes her way out of the grass and slinks into the water..right..in..front..of us.
   Jane Todd looks and me and lets out a mix of a bloody murder cry and a laugh.
   I smile meekly and say, "Well, we have to go that way, so. Let's just keep paddling."
   I take the lead, paddling with the shallowest strokes this world has ever seen.  I hadn't known fear until that moment.  The idea of gliding directly over an alligator with my only protection being a 3-inch thick flat board of foam is an idea I hope none of you are ever presented with.

   So we're cruising along. We've been out here for maybe three days? Kidding, three hours. And I'm killing it.  I actually passed Jane Todd.  Now she's way behind me screaming, "Wait!"
   We arrive at the mouth of the Bay, the sun is warm, surprise surprise, Jane Todd is taking selfies and I'm not.  We strip down to our bikinis and just lie on the boards, letting the current pull us wherever we need to go.  As I'm relaxing, two pelicans fly over me.  I wonder if maybe they are a couple, or if they are siblings, or maybe they're just two friends.  Maybe the two of them are thinking the same thing about Jane Todd and me, "Look at those two humans, they have no idea what they're missing down there."  I also start to think about how pelicans were no where to be seen when my mom was my age.  She grew up in this area and she claims that the earth was being filled with these toxic chemicals that eventually drained out into the waters and began killing off all of these birds.  Over time, the majestic pelican has made its return and now whenever my mom sees one, she squeals with happiness and says, "Look at that beautiful creature."

   On our way back, we paddle by a house undergoing construction.  The scene is filled with construction workers and they all smile and tip their heads as we glide by.  One calls out to me, "Take me with you!" The others laugh but I smile and say, "I wish I could."  Jane Todd gives me a grin, and I look onward as I follow the direction of another pelican flying overhead.

Sunday, August 23, 2015

Summer Job

Thoughts from my last week at work:

   In case any of you were debating over just how glamorous (I had to sing the song in my head as I typed that. Thank you, Fergie) my life is, let me put your worries to rest. At the moment, I am sitting on a red corduroy couch, under a Transformers blanket, while sipping water from my Spiderman Tervis. This is not my normal life. This is my work life. Because at some point during my normal life, I decided that it would be a good idea for me to spend my summer nannying two children. When I was first offered the position, I thought, "Heck yes! I'll be making money. But the important part is that I will be given the opportunity to shape and inspire two bright up-and-coming minds for the future." After the first day of waking up at 7 in the morning to drive to their house to spend ten hours in the company of a ten year old and an eight year old, I quickly realized that I must have been drugged when I accepted the job. But now, looking at it in retrospect, I am thankful that this is how I chose to spend my summer. In between the moments of the fragile diabetic ten year old trying to sneak fruit roll-ups past me while the stoic eight year old looks at me like I am a lunatic when I ask him to put his shoes on so we can go to the movies, there were some great moments.

Me: Do you guys want to go to Chuck-E-Cheese?
Lil' Joey (The stoic eight year old): Yeah!
Cool Blue (The diabetic ten year old): Nah. I stopped liking that place when I was, like, eight.
Lil' Joey: Okay, Cool Blue. Since you are too mature and cool for Chuck-E-Cheese and since you are practically a grown-up, they have a special menu for you now. Yeah, you can order from the adult menu. It's full of vegetables and stuff like that. So you can eat your broccoli while I play.
There were no words.
______
*We are all making origami*
Cool Blue: I need to make something for Mom and Dad. Hmm.. I can make Mom a butterfly. I don't know what to make Dad. What does Dad like?
Lil' Joey: Dad likes Mom. Make an origami version of Mom.
Once again, there were no words.
______
*Playing Monopoly*
Cool Blue: Ugh, I need to straighten all of these hotels. I'm OCD."
Lil' Joey: Cool Blue, you're not actually OCD. You only act that way because you like to think you're OCD. But you're not, your room is a mess.
Lil' Joey knows how to shut down a conversation.
______
*Driving home from Art Camp*
Lil' Joey: I wonder what kind of robots we will have when I am an old man.
Cool Blue: I don't think they can make anything else. I am pretty sure we have created everything that can ever be created.
Lil' Joey: What are you talking about? You haven't created anything.
Cool Blue: No, I mean "we" as in the human race.
Lil' Joey: Oh. Then no way! There's still a ton to create.
Cool Blue:: I don't know. I think this is it.
Lil' Joey: I bet that's what people were saying about the size of TVs a long time ago. Now look at us. Have you seen our TV?
It was at that moment when I looked in the rear view mirror and thought, "Who are you people?"
______
I know what you're thinking, "These boys sound hilarious. How could you not want to be around them?" But you have to understand, they only speak about 30% of the time. The other 70% is spent with their eyes glued to their handheld electronics as if they each have a personal vendetta to uphold.
This summer is coming to an end and I have to admit that I am a little upset. While I won't miss waking up early or the sound of plates breaking or a sea of smoke flooding from the kitchen.. I will miss the boys running up to me saying things like, "Can you help us freeze soap bubbles?!", "Have you ever made a telegraph?", "I don't get why people buy paper towels that aren't Bounty.", "You have long arm hair. I think if you wore a mask, people would think you're a boy.", "How can you like reading?", and "Can we go upstairs to hide from the zombies?"
To commemorate our eventful/extremely dull summer together, Lil' Joey wrote a poem about it as one of his summer writing projects for school. Here it is:
A warm gentle breeze
blows through the trees
but I didn't see it
because I was at the movies
We went to the pool
and it was pretty cool
Bryce had a bloody nose
but Jillianne cleaned it
with a water hose
We went to Subway
but she parked so far away
I asked, "Do we have to walk that?"
she said, "It's so you don't get too fat"
We had an art class in Bay Saint Louis
but when we got there
they said it was a funeral service^
She made guacamole
I said, "Holy moly"
It was time to go
but we wouldn't stop playing Halo
She told Bryce to check his blood
but he sighed and gave her a shrug^
Some friends came over
and there was a zombie take-over
She made me ham and cheese
and said I didn't even need to say please
I won at Monopoly
because I had hotel property
I've got a chill babysitter
so please, nobody hit her^
When he read this to me, I loved my job. I told him I was going to miss him and that maybe I would visit him one day at school. He said, "Please don't. I'll pretend I don't know you."
Thanks boys. I love you too.
^Spoken verbally but not in the final cut

Dry Docked

   I have not been on the water in months. Looking back on the summer as a whole, I probably went water sporting three times. I know it seems like this blog was abandoned, but I assure you it is not. Over the summer I took up a very important job and was working on art related things in order to propel me towards Savannah, Georgia. I was also traveling, reading, and dealing with a family tragedy. My heart belongs in a kayak, but sometimes we have to hang it up while we work on other things. But now that I am back at school and back on a schedule, I guarantee that I will begin to post much more frequently. They may not all be about kayaking, but I promise they will be entertaining.

  Summer is over and school is in session. I'd like to share the books that filled my summer break and give a short review of each one:
Phenomenal: not a bad choice to enhance your train ride to work or your BLT filled lunch break. 
Brain On Fire: My personal favorite. Helped me appreciate my health.
Invisible Man: Surprising to see what has changed and what hasn't since the time it was written.
Death of a Salesman: Obvious ending that I thought would be more of a metaphor...
The Diving Bell and the Butterfly: Absolutely beautiful. Go read it now.
Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?: Light and easy. You may or may not laugh out loud.
All the Light We Cannot See: Overrated, skip it, save your money and your time.
Hitchhiking with Larry David: Underrated and unknown. Diamond in the rough. Restored my faith in a few things.
Let's Pretend This Never Happened: I guarantee you'll have a good belly laugh every now and then, even if you don't admit to it.



Thursday, June 18, 2015

Madison

   "Should we sing?  I feel like we should sing," Madison calls out to me across the water.
   "No, that's really -"
   "WHEN THE MOON HITS YOUR EYE LIKE A BIG PIZZA PIE.... THAT'S AMORE," she belts out.
   I quietly laugh and continue to paddle towards the bay.
   "Am I doing better than Sarah Anne?" she asks, beginning the sibling rivalry.
   I couldn't lie, "Honestly, yes. You are.  I mean, nowadays, she is much better.  But she's done it more often.  But her first time? She sucked.  She couldn't go straight, she had no idea.  You, you're killing it."
   "Sweet," she smiles ear to ear.
   As we pass the common "No Wake" signs, I think of the first time Sarah Anne saw one and asked if they had to do with funerals.  I figured Madison will know what they mean.
   "No Wake? What does that mean? You can't wake anyone up?  I guess I should apologize for singing so loudly earlier..."
 
   As we're paddling towards the southern side of the Bay Bridge, rain clouds start to flood the sky.  I bring this to Madison's attention and she seems pretty disappointed.  I try to explain, "If it starts raining, and we're 2 miles away from the house... We are beyond screwed."
   After hearing that, Madison begins to understand.
   We turn the yaks around and watch a mullet hurl itself out from the water about ten feet away from Madison.  She screams out, "FISH! Did you see that?!"
   I laugh, "I did."
   About two seconds later, it jumps out a second time, this time about five feet from Madison.
   "They normally jump in sets of-"
   The mullet jumps out again, flying seven feet in the air, and landing smack dab on the bow of her kayak and then flopping back into the water.
   It takes a moment for us to register what we just witnessed.
   "Madison!" I yell, unable to believe it.
   "Oh oh oh ohhhhh ohh ohh ohhhhh oh, did you see that? It was like two feet away from landing in my kayak!"
   "What would you have done!"
   "I don't know! Probably jump out!"
   I throw my head back laughing in agreement and applaud her for having the coolest experience I've ever seen while kayaking.
   We stay where we are for a few moments, laughing and processing, before the clouds remind us that we need to head back.
   While we pass through Alligator Alley, one of the residents has his sprinkler on.  Part of its range includes a narrow part of the water.  Madison takes this as an invitation.  She smiles and says, "I'm going to go for it. Sprinkler time!"
   I try to stop her, but it was too late.  She is gliding right under the trail, soaking herself while laughing with glee, "YAY!"
   "I'll have to move it closer next time," a man calls out from somewhere.  I look up and see a man standing on the house's balcony.  My face floods with red as I smile and apologize.
   "Oh no, it's fine. Again, I'll move it closer next time for ya."
   I smile at a silent and clearly embarrassed Madison and say, "You hear that, Madison? Next time."
   She laughs quietly, avoiding looking at the man, "Next time."

Friday, May 15, 2015

Perfect Week: Day One

   Once again, I come crawling to you all on my knees.  I apologize for my absence.  This last weekend I was in Austin, Texas and I was pretty preoccupied with my wonderful family.  But school is now over, so I am faithfully yours.
   This week is the week I embark on a "Perfect Week".  A "Perfect Week" is when one goes kayaking, paddle boarding, water sporting, etc., for seven consecutive days.  I attempted one this time last year, but unfortunately I only made it to day 6.  Looking back, I have no idea why I didn't go on that seventh day.  I think I ran out of friends who were willing to go with me.  But this year is different.  I have people on deck for each day, everything is set, all I have to do is hope for good weather.  It's supposed to rain everyday this week, but where I live that usually just means afternoon showers.  Like today, it was scheduled to rain all day, but it only rained for about five minutes around 1 o'clock.  Not to mention, I've pretty much put all of my eggs into this one basket.  This week is the only full week when I will be able to kayak everyday.  Next week I'm flying to Atlanta to visit my father; and the first of June, I begin my nannying job, working from 8-5 each day.  Ergo, this week is my only chance.
   This morning at around 8 o'clock, Sarah Anne drives over to my house.  My mother has the volvo, and the volvo has the kayak rack.  Thankfully Sarah Anne is a dear friend, a dear friend who happens to have a truck.  We throw the yaks in the back of the pick-up, collapse the paddles so they fit in the back seat, fill our water bottles, and we head away.  It's weird having someone else drive to the kayak drop-off point.  Out of all the times I've gone, I think I've had someone else drive me there only two times.  But this is exciting, the weather is nice, temperature wise.
   When we arrive, the small white dog who lives at the house is yapping away, alerting everyone in the neighborhood that the kayaking girl is back.  The tide is in, and I mean in.  It seems as if everything is underwater.  Can something that's already underwater go underwater?  When we pass one of the many "No Wake" signs, I notice that one of them is almost half-way submerged.  That means that the water level rose about two feet.  Two feet!  We have to partake in the limbo to travel under the bridges and all of the docks are level with our kayaks.  That fact is good and bad.  If there was an alligator chasing our tails, we would be able to pull up to land no problem with the drop of a hat, but the alligator would be able to do the same.
   Once we get to a certain point in the water the two of us begin to cheat at the system.  The wind is strong and the water is practically flipping over at the chance to get us to where we want, so why should we resist?  We put our paddles in our laps and recline back.  Immediately we start to drift.  The water does the work for us while the two of joke about bringing sails with us next time.
   "I like it when we do this," Sarah Anne smiles.
   "I think everyone likes this.  Getting the same results with doing absolutely no work," I laugh.
   Our cutting corners is quickly punished.  Once we turn the corner, the tide is no longer with us and I start to feel like I'm trying to drive a parked car.  This was a workout I never signed up for.  The water that was once amiable and helpful had now become sassy and spiteful.  But after thirty minutes, we make the distance that normally takes us five minutes.  We get back to the house and cheerfully high-five one another for making it through.

Friday, May 1, 2015

GUEST SPEAKER: A Word From Sarah Anne

   Attention all #backontheyak readers, 

   This is Sarah Anne.  Maybe you remember me from some of Jillianne’s many kayaking excursions or maybe you don’t in which case this is awkward.  Anyway, I don’t have much time before Jillianne notices that I’ve hacked into her blog, and I still need to tell you all the truth.  You need to know the truth about kayaking.

   When Jillianne first asked me to kayak with her, I was genuinely excited.  Visions of high speed descents through raging rapids and close encounters with large boulders filled my mind and I was so happy knowing that we weren’t doing any of that.  We would be enjoying a peaceful cruise over the consistently calm waters of Mallini’s.  No daring escapades, no near death experiences, heck, we would even have life vests.  It couldn’t have been better.  Then the morning of our adventure arrived with the obnoxious shriek of my alarm clock.  Blearily, I looked at the time.  6:30 a.m. It’s at times like this when I start to question my motivations in life.  I am not a morning person and the act of rising before the sun goes against my internal programming.  However, Jillianne had her heart set on our trip and she needed my car so I chalked it up to my chance to be a good friend and hopped to it.

   After being guided to the right spot, we unloaded the yaks and after several shaky attempts, I managed to sit in the blue one without falling over.  Jillianne gave it a shove so that I floated out into the clear water where I gleefully splashed around as I waited for her to follow suit.  Gracefully she glided past and swiftly started to lead the way to our new destination.  With renewed enthusiasm, I grabbed my paddle, plunged it into the cool water, pulled back with all my strength, my eyes locked on Jillianne’s trail, and sharply veered left almost into a wooden dock.  Confused, I tried again, this time shifting horribly to the right.  I quickly glanced at Jillianne to see how she was easily rotating her paddle, almost as if drawing circles on each side.  Perhaps, the circumferences of my circles weren’t the proper size, I thought as I gripped my paddle, determined to master this technique.  Left.  Right. Left. Right. Left. Almost straight but still too far right.  My arms were burning as I kept zigzagging through the once welcoming water. Had the sun always been this hot?  Why was Jillianne still so far ahead?  Was that a vulture?  Suddenly, Jillianne turned around and asked if I was okay.  Pride took over.  Although it had felt like hours, it had only been maybe five minutes.  I couldn’t give up, not like this, so I smiled.

   “Yeah I got it, you go on ahead.”  Seemingly satisfied with my answer, she turned back and continued to paddle forward.  My smile turned grim as my paddle dove back into the water.  I had no choice but to survive this.  After all, there’s no retreat once you’re out on the water and you lack the skill to get out of the boat by yourself.

   Eventually, I managed to have a few moments where my yak went straight and I even managed to catch up to Jillianne when she stopped.  After a while, she told me it was break time and I dropped that paddle like it was hot.  I gulped down some water as she serenely gazed at our surroundings with a smile on her face.  Turning to see what was so wonderful, I nearly dropped my bottle.  Somehow, we had made it to the bay where the water was wavy with a deep blue color, the seagulls were chirping overhead, and oh my goodness was the sea breeze blowing.  As we bobbed up and down, I couldn’t help but marvel at the experience of being present in such a picturesque scene.  The morning sky was filled with wispy, white clouds that stood out against the increasingly blue background and the sun was illuminating the trees just right so that their green leaves looked like emeralds.  In this moment, I realized the truth behind kayaking.  It’s difficult, it makes you get up early, it makes your arms ache, it can make you question your sanity, and can bring you to some of the most astounding locations.  What’s even more amazing is that the more you go, the more you can see.  Even if you’ve driven past a place countless times or kayaked through it numerous times, there is always something just around the river bend that you’ve never seen before.  Maybe it’s the way the light refracts off the water’s surface or the way the current carries a cluster of leaves towards the sea, you never know what you’ll find.  Sure, it requires a bit of effort, or a lot of effort, but the chance to see the world in a new perspective is something that makes it all worth it.

   “Are you ready to head back?” Jillianne asked me, her kayak already pointing away from the bay.  I took one last glance at the scene before nodding my head.  We made it back in one piece, loaded the yaks back up into the truck, and before I knew it, I was back home sitting on my couch too tired to move.  My mom walked in and quickly asked about how it went.  My mind flashed to that deep blue bay as I replied, 

   “Not bad at all.”


   There you have it.  That is my unadulterated truth behind kayaking.  Maybe you have a different one, and that’s okay too.  It just gives me another reason to head back out there, back into the still water, because the more I kayak, the more I see and perhaps one day, I’ll catch a glimpse of another truth just waiting to be discovered underneath those glimmering waves.  

Tuesday, April 28, 2015

Newsletter

Tuesday, April 28, 2015

Hello!
   I just wanted to touch base with everyone really quickly.  This upcoming week will be my last week of my first semester as a college student.  While that is exciting, it also means.. finals.  It won't be too stressful, but I wanted to let you know.  Since there are so many study guides and papers to write, I apologize if the post set for Thursday is late.  I'm working on it, but please understand that my grades take priority today.  I'm going to try my absolute best to make sure it's up at some point this coming Thursday though.  And trust me, it's a good story.  I actually wasn't #backontheyak for this one... (dun dun dun) and there's a special guest!
   Also, this week had a milestone for the blog.  4,000 views!!  Thank you to all of my dedicated readers!  I appreciate your kindness and devotion more than you know.  To celebrate this accomplishment and to make up for the possibility of a delay, I have created a new page called The Crew.  You can find the tab for it right next to The Gallery tab in the upper left hand corner of the blog.  If you haven't been to The Gallery, I suggest you do so, there are a ton of pictures from all of my kayaking escapades (uploaded as posts are).  The Crew is a compilation of bios and fun facts about every person who has been featured on the blog.  Everyone, from the more common faces like Sarah Anne, to the rare birds like Graham, has something written about them.
   Thank you all for your understanding.  Here's to thousands more views from readers just as awesome as you! :)

Jillianne
#backontheyak

P.S. A reminder to send hope to all who were impacted by the earthquake in Nepal.  For those of you who would like to send more than hope, here is a link to donate.

Monday, April 27, 2015

An Open Letter To My Chacos

   I'd like to take a moment and dedicate this post to something that has literally taken me as far as I have come these past couple of years: My Pair of Chacos.  For those of you coming from the other side of the world (Shoutout to India, France, and Poland! How about everyone in South America?), Chaco is a brand of sandal, but there is always a variety of tennis shoes, flip flops, and other footwear.  The sandals are pretty standard, a thick rubber sole with a few tightly woven straps zig-zagging over the foot.  They are frequently called "Jesus sandals" by us Westerners of course.  
   My pair are red and they have walked with me across the country and throughout many experiences.  When my dad bought them for me for my 17th birthday, I knew he was hesitant about spending the price for a pair of shoes that I may wear for a few weeks and then lose interest in.  But after two years of seeing me in them 9 out of 10 days, he said, "You sure have gotten your share out of those shoes, haven't you Jillianne?"  These shoes have climbed the urban hills of San Francisco, felt the chill from Lake Tahoe, walked the beaches of Florida, and comforted me through countless college tours.  They were there for me when my shift at work was over and my feet couldn't take another minute of being in 5-inch heels.  And most of all, they have been on every kayaking trip, leaving my feet permanently tanned in a zigzag pattern.  
   When I got to college, a friend of Sarah Anne's looked at them and rudely asked, "What are those shoes?"  Sarah Anne quickly said, "They're Chacos.  They're the official shoe for kayaking."  What was said as just a comeback (and a great one, I must say) is now a believable slogan.  The shoes provide traction.  As I'm carefully stepping into my kayak when there is a terribly low tide and the ground is coated in mud, my Chacos are there to make sure I don't come crashing down.  When I'm paddling through the unexpected current, my Chacos are there to keep my feet breathing.  On especially hot days, when the sun is out with a vengeance, my Chacos are there to make it easy for me to dip my feet off the side of my yak to cool them off in the nice water.  
   I hope this doesn't sound too over-privileged-white-girl, but I had to say something to the shoes that carry me through every day.  They are such a simple thing that would be deeply missed if gone missing, but yet they are something that so many people take for granted. 

   If you have a minute, take a look here for yourself.
   They won't let you down.  And hey, wear them all year.  Socks and sandals, no shame.  

Thursday, April 23, 2015

Pocahontas

 

   A completely whimsical trip, often the best ones are.  My sister had never been kayaking, mainly because her schedule never allowed it and she never wanted to wake up at seven in the morning to leave.  But this Thursday was perfect timing.  I was home for my manmade Easter break (college kids: don't skip class when you're sick, save the skip days so you can leave for a week and do something worth doing, like leaving the state to go to a 5-star hotel with family and friends) and Nina was in between extracurriculars.  Ballet had just ended and play rehearsal was about to begin, and she was off this week for her actual spring break, which meant that we could go in the morning with no problems.  I even promised her that we could leave around 8 rather than 7 so she could still have an idea of sleeping in.
   When we get up that morning, I tell her to fill two bottles of water while I'm strapping the kayaks to the car.  After about 10 minutes, I wonder what's taking her so long.  I go in the house and find her sitting on the couch.
   "What are you doing?" I ask.
   "Waiting for you," she responds.
   I'm shocked, "What? Then come outside and help me.  There's always something to do, Nina."
   She sighs and follows me outside.  I show her how to fasten the straps properly so she'll be able to do it when we have to put the kayaks back on the car after our adventure.  She doesn't understand, but after a while she gets the hang of it.

   I push Nina out in the water and she screams, "How do you go straight!?!"
   "Figure it out."
   The tide is coming in so I'm a little embarrassed.  A first time kayaker should not have any waves to worry about or fight against.  It should just be peace and quiet.
   After we start heading towards the bay area, I get a text from Mom.

   Are you two okay?
   Lifevests??!!!
   Where's Christina?

   *sigh* I turn around to see where Nina is.  She's way behind me.  I wait for her to get closer before snapping a picture and sending it to Mom to ease her worries.
   Mom quickly responds, obviously relieved we haven't been eaten yet.

   She looks like Pocahontas!! :)

   I laugh and respond saying she is Pocahontas.
   Christina floats up next to me, panting.
   "You okay?" I ask.
   "Yeah, I just thought this was going to be a nice peaceful trip.  Not a sprint."
   I apologize and try to explain that I'm not going that quickly intentionally.  She understands and I make an effort to stay near her.
   As we travel, I narrate everything to her.  "This is where we saw an alligator.  This is where a horsefly attacked me.  Over there is the golf course.  This is where Uncle Mike and I saw the dog.  This is where a fish almost jumped right into Trea's kayak.
  When we start to pass the grassy areas and I tell her that she can go in that way and she'll meet me in the same place when she comes out.
   "Oh really!? Can I do it?" she asks.
   "Yeah, just go right in there."
   "I will," she nods, but paddles towards the other direction.
   "No, Nina, that way," I point.
   Quickly, "I know! I'm trying.  I don't know how you go so straight!"

Thursday, April 16, 2015

Something Frowned Upon

   A few posts ago, I mentioned a time when Trea had to hoist me up onto a bridge so I could get some water.  As exhilarating as that sentence sounds, I thought that I would go into more detail, because believe it or not there is more to that story.  So here we go.  Trea darling, if I get something wrong, I apologize for it in advance.

   It's 10 o'clock in the morning, Trea and I have been out on this water for two and half hours already.  During the end of May, the sun is ruthless.  It does not hesitate to boil your skin and soul until they have been welded together in some inhumane fashion.  It sends any chance of a breeze running for cover, and rightly the breeze should.  We were the fools who wanted to be in those conditions, asking for trouble.  When we set "sail" into the water I realized that I had left my water bottle, my lovely one liter iced filled water bottle, in the car.  I being the fool thought that it wouldn't be that bad without it, we wouldn't go too fast and we wouldn't go too far, I could make it until we made it back to the car.  Yes, I know, I win the award for biggest fool.  Two and half hours later I quickly realized that.  Trea had water, but it too had been damaged by the cruel sun hanging maliciously in the sky, and there was no way I was about to drink after him.  When we paddled through the golf course I spotted a small shack just off the bank.  It housed two bathrooms and a water fountain that from my perspective seemed to be blessed by the Gods themselves.  I quickly looked around the edges of the water, searching for a place that would sit my kayak comfortably while I could easily step out onto firm earth.  Unfortunately there was no such luck, all edges in that area are covered with thick tall grass that grows out from the muddy bottom of the water making it impossible to pull a kayak into it never mind trying to step out.  I already had a death wish with the sun, I wasn't about to up the chances by battling a water moccasin.  After deliberating, I sheepishly look over at Trea who was fishing for golf balls.  "Trea?" I call out to him.  "Hmm?" he responds curtly.  I stutter, "Could you help me?"  He sighs and points his kayak in my direction.  As he gets closer, he reaches out for the side of my yak and grabs hold of it, pulling us side by side.  "What?" he smiles.  I gesture up towards the bridge, "Could you maybe give me a lift?"  He shields the sun away from his eyes with his hand as he peers upward.  "I'll hold your kayak steady.  You stand and pull yourself up."  That sounded as good a plan as any so I didn't object.  He reached his arm over so he could hold the other side of my kayak as well.  Finding my balance was the tricky part, my kayak was not made to be stood upon.  I reached up for one of the beams in the bridge before I really found my footing and hoisted myself onto it.  The kayak wobbled beneath me as I pulled one leg up after another.  Just as I had both feet up, we hear a golf cart approaching.  We had no idea if trespassing was.. well, trespassing, but we didn't think these golf members would take too kindly to two kids kayaking and then busting up in their club to use their facilities.  Trea yelled quietly at me as I leaped across the bridge into the grass to the water fountain, "GO! Go go go! Act like you belong! If someone says something, say we just paddled in from New Orleans! Go!... Don't run! Calm, Jillianne, calm!"  Anything that happened after that was a blur, because I had water.  To be honest, I don't think I have ever had anything that tasted sweeter.  It was by far the best thing that had ever graced my lips in a very long time.  I pulled away and held my head to the sky as I took a breath and then took a few more gulps before running back across the bridge.  Now, due to the extreme euphoria that had just entered my life, the next few actions probably didn't happen exactly the way I remember them happening.  What I remember is me flinging both legs over the railing of the bridge while holding it with one arm and balancing with the other and placing both of my feet just so in my kayak that all I had to do was just sit down and take the paddle from Trea.  I remember all of this happening in one quick fluid movement that I felt like I needed to be cast in the next James Bond movie.  I'm sure what actually happened was me landing in my kayak like a sack of potatoes, Trea laughing at me for five minutes, and my outfit becoming completely soaked by my lack of grace, along with multiple bruises and scrapes appearing from getting too cozy with the wooden bridge.  But I am going to go with the first one.  On the way back, Trea paddles next to me and says, "Oh!" as he reaches for something in between his feet, "While you were making a fool out of yourself, I got you this."  He opens his hand and reveals a bright yellow golf ball with a small shell pattern printed on it.  I smile and take it, "Thank you, Trea!  I will keep it always."  He scoffs with a smile, "Yeah, whatever," and paddles on in front of me.

Thursday, April 9, 2015

The One with the Bears, not with Steve


   I'm sitting in the lounge, happily eating my chocolate chip cookie and sipping on a cup of coffee.  Mama Bear comes running in, balancing a stack of cookies with her coffee, "Jillianne, oh my gosh!  Do you know what we need to do?"  I set my glass down and shake my head.  She rotates her arms forward, gesturing a paddle, and whispers, "Kayaking."
   I laugh and roll my eyes, "It's late and it's kind of choppy out there.."
   "No, no, no it's not.  Not on the other side.  It's nice.  They don't close until 6, come on, we have plenty of time," she insists.  My mother walks in with her coffee and pulls up a chair to our table.  I tell her that Mama Bear wants to go kayaking, hoping that she will agree with me and then cunningly change the topic so it won't be brought up again until it is too late.  It works for a little while.
   At about 5:15, she asks again, "Please, Jillianne! You know we'll have a good time!  Just a short trip, please?"
   She's just too sweet, I sigh and say okay.
   "Was that a yes?" she gasps, "Oh my gosh, she said yes!"

   When we get to the rental shack I tell the young man there we want to kayak.  He clenches his jaw together and takes a deep breath in through his teeth, "We're closed, I'm sorry."
   "No you're not.  You close at six," I respond curtly.
   "Yeah, but we like to have everything back in by 5:30 so we can start shutting down.  I'm really sorry."
   I know I wasn't completely on board (no pun intended) with going kayaking that afternoon, but I still don't care for it when people don't do their jobs.  But I wasn't about to have a brawl with the hotel beach guy, so I turn around and tell my mom and Mama Bear the bad news.
   "Oh no.  You're not getting out of this one," she says to me and continues toward the hut.
   "Um, excuse me? Hi," she says to the guy (I would call him a man, but he isn't quite there yet)
   He tries to tell her the same thing he told me but she's not having it.
   "We'll be super quick, I promise.  It's our last night here, and we really wanted to go," she pleads.
   After a few minutes of back and forth, the man finally agrees..begrudgingly.  She yips with excitement and tells me not to act like I don't feel the same.
   We grab our life vests and paddles and head down to sit in our yellow two person kayak.  Papa Bear and Lil' John (their son, not the rapper or Robin Hood character) hop in the kayak next to us.
   I sit in the back so I can steer and say, "Okay, we're going to win and dominate."
   The man pushes us off the shore and I think about how nice it is that I can kayak without having to worry about the hassle that comes with it.  I won't have to put this beast back on my car when I'm done.  I won't have to take care of the paddle and put it away when I get home.  This yak is only my responsibility from the moment I leave the shore to the time I reach it again.  Then that guy has to take care of it.  This is awesome!
   Hauling tail across the water, we pull in front of Papa and John, only for a moment.  Their kayak comes closer to ours and Mama shrieks, begging them not to crash into us.  John holds out his paddle and rams into ours, pushing us away.  I point us back into the right direction but we lose our speed and they quickly pass us.  After a few moments, they turn to go back the other way, but we keep going.
   "Are you okay? Are you happy?" Mama Bear asks.
   I say yes but she turns around, "Are you?"
   Laughing, I say, "Yes, I am.  This is great!"

   When we make it back it to the sand, the guy is waiting and quickly pulls us in.
   Mama Bear thanks him again for letting us go and says, "But hey, now you get to be on her blog!"

 
   End Note:  This was during my Easter vacation at the same resort the last post was set at.  It was lovely and this kayaking trip, even though it was short lived, was still so much fun.  The Bears, not their real name, are our family-friends and are all very sweet.  I'm glad Mama Bear pushed me out to go kayaking that afternoon and I'm glad Papa and John got to go as well.  We would have brought our other family-friends with us, Steve and Belinda, so it would have been an army of kayakers!  But, alas, they were no where to be found.  Probably at the pool.  Oh well, next year.

   *There are more pics from this trip in The Gallery

Thursday, April 2, 2015

Holiday

   Happy Easter holiday!! Anyone who doesn't celebrate Easter, I understand, congratulations on making it through another week! I am on vacation right now, and I thought in honor of that, I would post about the first time I went kayaking.  That's right! The FIRST time! It was one year ago and happened over Easter break at this same vacation spot (feeling nostalgic).  It's a very cozy and beyond beautiful spot in Alabama.  Mom, Christina (my sister), Sarah Anne, and I got there on a Thursday and were staying until Monday.  That gave us 5 days for opportunities to kayak.  This was while I had my kayak obsession but had yet to get one of my own.  The hotel was on the beach so I knew they kayak rentals, free for guests of the hotels.  That's what I'm talking about, unlimited FREE kayaking! This was going to be the best 5 days of my life!
   Day One:  Rain.  No problem, I still have 4 more days.
   Day Two:  High winds bringing in more rain, water is far too choppy.  No problem, little bit of a downer, but no problem.  
   Day Three:  Only free time we had was in the middle of the day and the water was so wavy we would have flipped immediately.  I want water that looks like glass.
   Day Four:  This has to be the day!! We leave tomorrow and I WILL go kayaking!! We get to the rentals at 6:10 to find out they closed at 6.  I cry.
   Day Five:
   Sarah Anne and I wake up at 7:30 to pack and make sure we are all ready to go.  I slip on my Chacos that are still wet from last night, spray sunscreen on my back, and we run downstairs so we can be the first people at the rentals at 8.
   Not even Jesus himself could have painted a more perfect morning.  The water is as blue as the sky and as still as a rock, not even a ripple.  Pelicans hang by calmly, enjoying the morning as well.  The man at the shop is happy to see us and asks if we want one kayak or two.  Huh?  I didn't know there was an option.  We look at each other and shrug our shoulders, "One?" He smiles and says, "One it is."  He gives us some paperwork to fill out, agreeing that we are not minors and consent to the safety precautions and won't sue the hotel if something goes terribly wrong.  The thing was, I in fact was a minor, my birthday was two months from then, but when I was asked to check that box, there wasn't a bone in my body that was about to let a scribble of ink stand in my way of kayaking, so I checked it without hesitation and grabbed a life vest.
   The was the first time I had ever been kayaking and this was after I had spent months obsessing over kayaks so you can imagine how...happy I was in this moment in time.  It was a level of Euphoria that I haven't found since.
   Sarah Anne sat in the front while I sat in the back since I was better at steering, a lesson we learned years ago in summer camp when we went canoeing.  We only had an hour so we didn't waste anytime.  We were hauling tail across that water!  There were two of us so we were going as fast as the birds flying overhead.  We made it towards one end of the beach where the sand meets the rocks and the rocks meet the piers.  I check my watch and we had only been out here for 10 minutes so far! I thought for sure it would be longer than that.  One of those "Time flies when you're having fun" type moments.  So we stopped.  We were now facing the part of Mobile Bay that isn't blocked off by Mobile, it was just open water.  And, hand to God, the water and the sky was the exact same color.  We could not tell where the water ended and the sky began.  It was one of the coolest things I have ever seen.  Then all of a sudden, a nearby pelican take off from his post to catch some breakfast.  He glides down to the water and hurls his head under the surface to snag something in its beak.  It was as if he was a cutout resting on a piece of blue construction paper and then the paper begins the wiggle and ripple as soon as he meets the unseen horizon.  We drift for a few moments, comparing ourselves to a scene in Life of Pi.
   Sarah Anne turns around and says, "This is pretty sweet."
   I don't say anything back, just continue to admire where I am.
   "I get it now."
   My eyes open and I look at her.
   "Why you want a kayak so badly, I mean.  I get it."

   

Saturday, March 28, 2015

When Trea Flips Out

Since the post on Thursday was just a playlist.  Here's a treat:

   Back in the day, Trea and I had nothing to do but Kayak and run errands for our mothers.  So after about 5 times out kayaking (This was a few trips before we went out to the middle of the bridge), he finally asked me.. "Jillianne, have you ever practiced flipping your kayak?"  I gawk at him, "What? Why would you do that!"  He laughed at me, "You're supposed to have done that already! So in case it happens while you're out there, you'll know what to do!"  I sulk, "Oh, well... I don't plan on ever being in a situation where I'll flip over.  Calm water, that's me.  That's where I'll stay."  He laughed some more, clearly enjoying where this was going, "No, no, no.  You need to practice.."  He paddled closer to me.  I start paddling backwards, "Trea, you stay away from me,"  he reaches his arm out and nearly grabs the side of my kayak but I stab him with my paddle, "I mean it!"  "Jillianne," he tries to sound comforting, "I'm only doing this for your well-being.  Keeping you safe and prepared.  You need to know what to do!" he reaches my kayak.  Pulling me side by side with him, he smiles, "Okay, I'll make you a deal.." He looks around, "You can either.. let me flip you over right now," I squirm and try to paddle away, "or, we go out into the bay right now," I squirm even harder.  "Please, Trea.  This isn't fun."  "Flipping it is.  Here, give me your phone so it doesn't drown," he held out his hand.  I laugh and yell no.  "Fine," he smirks and jolts one side of my kayak up, but I stay put..  I laugh at him and he begs me some more to let him do it.  "How about you flip yourself.  So I can, you know, have an example.  So I know how easy it is to do."  He laughs but agrees and paddles a good distance away from me, thankfully.  He slips his phone into his dry pack, sets his paddle on the water, and takes a deep breath.  In one quick motion he is underwater and the kayak is bottom-up.  I clap my hands like a child as he quickly bobs up.  "Jillianne," he says seriously, "I can stand."  And sure enough, he plants his feet on the sandy floor raising his chest and up to be above water.  He walks forwards to catch his paddle and trudges back to get back in his boat.  He flips it on its side and puts his torso on the seat as he hurls it upright, bringing himself with it, legs flailing in the air.  He did it, actually, very gracefully.  What followed is what makes it great.  Trea's kayak is a standard one, a standard sit-in kayak.  When he had flipped it back over, it had taken a great deal of water.  As he gets seated, I watch as he looks down at his feet and mumbles, "God dammit."  He holds his head back and sighs.  I snicker, "What's wrong, hun?"  He takes off one of his shoes and tells me to shut up.  He begins shoveling the water out of his kayak with his shoe, his water shoe so it isn't as effective as we all had hoped.  But after a few moments, he seems ready to paddle back over to me to give me another ultimatum.
   When I got home that day, I told my parents how awful Trea had been and how he threatened me and tried to flip me over when I begged him not to.  They completely sided with him.  I think my mom even texted him giving him a direct order to flip me the next time we went out.  

Thursday, March 26, 2015

It's Kayak Playlist III ya'll!

   Another list of music catered to specifically the enjoyment of kayaking.  Songs to get you through the first haul in the middle of a current, or to get you through that final stretch where you can't help but think to yourself, "Why do I do this?" but then stop because you remember the beauty that surrounds you, and, naturally, songs to enhance that beauty that surrounds you, songs that while you listen, you don't do anything but sit and listen.  But of course feel free to jam while you're "doing your work", vacuuming, driving, or perfecting your upcoming lip sync number in the mirror.  As always, they are in no particular order.  Enjoy!

Hey Jude - The Beatles
Matilda - alt-J
Fourth of July - Fall Out Boy
We Can't Stop - Miley Cyrus
Kansas City - The New Basement Tapes*
50 Ways To Leave Your Lover - Paul Simon
We Might Be Dead Tomorrow - SOKO
Alibi - Thirty Seconds to Mars
Believe - Mumford & Sons*
Holocene - Bon Iver*
Fitzpleasure - alt-J
One - Three Dog Night
Euphoria - Motopony*
Wagon Wheel - Old Crow Medicine Show
Where the Streets Have No Name - U2
Life Is A Highway - Rascal Flatts
Free Booze - Semi Precious Weapons
Festival - Sigur Rós
Out Of The Woods - Taylor Swift
Red Lights - Tiësto
Something Good - alt-J*
Hey, Soul Sister - Train
Mess Is Mine - Vance Joy
All Alright - Zac Brown Band
I Wanna Get Better - Bleachers
Old Time Rock And Roll - Bob Seger

* Highly recommended

Thursday, March 19, 2015

Old Timers and First Timers

   Last week was spring break for me and I tell you what, it was the best time I've had in a long time.  It was my grandfather's 90th birthday and we had a reunion birthday bash.  Family from all over the country came down to visit and the majority of them stayed at my house.  It was far beyond a good time.  The weather that first weekend was glorious but I didn't get a chance to kayak since I was whooping it up with my cousins.  During the week I thought for sure I would go, I had nothing but time.  But alas, it rained..the..entire...time.  And then I began to see the light at the end of the tunnel.  Saturday came around with the sun beaming down, not a cloud in sight.  60º.  Beyond perfect for getting back on the yak.  So I run to my Uncle Mike from Washington who wasn't leaving town until Monday and I tell him that we simply have to go kayaking in the morning.  He is reluctant at first, saying he's not sure if he can sit comfortably in the kayak, "I don't bend that way."  I laugh and take him outside for a test run.  I lend him my sit-on kayak, saying he will be much more comfortable in this one because he will be able to rest his legs however he chooses.  He agrees and says, "Yeah, okay, I guess I can do that.  Let's do it.  What time are we leaving?"

   The sun is beginning to peak in through the trees as Mom and I strap the kayaks to the car.  It's been a while so my arms are a little tight as I heave the kayaks over my head and onto the car.  Uncle Mike strolls out of the house carrying a cup of coffee and a spare Seattle Seahawks tshirt, "Hey.  I'm ready."  We drive down to the bayou and are surprised by how much mud is on the ground and on the launch.  I guess that is to be expected when it rains for an entire week.
   When Uncle Mike sits on the kayak and I push him out into the water, I am convinced he is going to flip.  The back of the kayak is completely level with the water while the front of it is raised above the water.  He is wobbling like a top that is about to fall and I watch with my breath frozen still and hands covering my mouth.  But... he gets it.  No one flipped.  He got the hang of it and begins practicing turning and stopping as I push my self out into the water.  I catch up to him and tell him to head left.  I watch him paddle, right, left left, right, left, right right right, left left, right, and can't help but smile.
   We reach the golf course and I notice a string of bubbles appearing on the water, no more than three feet away from me, heading in the opposite direction of us.  I suggest to Uncle Mike that maybe it's an alligator.  He frowns, "Yeah.  I'm going back that way."  I laugh and follow him out.  On the way back, a dog who is very happy to see us jumps off of his yard and into a boat that is tied up.  He stands on the edge, silently, and smiles as I paddle up next to him to give him a rub on the head.  As I float on, I watch as he struggles to find the best way to get out of the boat.  A pinecone captures my attention in the corner of my eye, and when I turn my head back to watch the dog, he was lying happily on the grass again.  "Wizard dog," I say to myself.  
   We reach a point where we could either go back to the house or head towards the Bay.  When I ask Uncle Mike what he wants to do he says, "Hey, this is all you.  We can keep going."  So I head towards the Bay but we turn down Alligator Alley to go around the island and land back at the house instead of going to the Bay and just turning around and coming back.
   I row row row through the swamp because believe it or not, I actually didn't want to run into a gator that morning.  When I get to the other end, I paddle over to the other side of the floating dock and admire how calm the water is and how green the grass is while I wait for Mike to make it through.
   This was the first time I had ever kayaked in the month of March, and it might be my favorite.  The sun is out but it has no desire to bake you and any leaf you see is brand new and filled with life.  The whole bayou had a new refreshing ora to it that I had never seen before. This place had always been beautiful, this was just a different type of beauty.
   I hear Uncle Mike run into something and I quickly turn my head to make sure he alright.  Sure enough, he had crashed right into the floating dock.  He laughs and says, "Hey, it's alright."  I laugh with him and tell him the house is right around the corner.