One of the many differences between high school and college is the winter break. High schoolers are lucky if they get two weeks. College students, however, have to endure at least four weeks at home. I know many high schoolers think that is the dream. Don't be fooled, a lot of it is smoke and mirrors. Once you taste the freedom college has to offer, it is hard to be tied back up under a roof shared with your parents. I know plenty of people who are returning to high school today while I still have two more weeks before my school starts. All I'm trying to say is: Enjoy high school. Don't wish your life away. For me, high school was the best four years of my life. I don't think I would choose to relive that time, but I am able to look back on those days with fondness. So take it all in; memorize the sound of the front doors opening and the slamming of lockers in between classes.
Here, take my memory of the first day for inspiration.
It is the day for which everybody has an idea, but no one really realizes its significance until years later. It is the day that everyone has to face, the day about which some have dreams, some have nightmares: The first day of high school.
I remember mine like it was yesterday: walking through the intimidating double doors, carrying my new lunch box stuffed with goodies from Mom, not knowing a soul. I walked into the cafeteria and saw all the upperclassmen saying their hellos to everyone they did not see over the summer. Across the room, I recognized a girl who had been in my third grade class. Sure, that was over five years ago, but it was something. I wrestled through the terrifying crowd, careful not to step on anybody’s toes. I said hello, and thankfully she knew who I was and gave me a half hug. She, of course, knew multiple people and brought me over to her table of friends to introduce me.
I sat down and looked at the girl sitting across from me. She had plain brown hair, a pretty face, and wore a sleek pair of black bifocals. She smiled a huge smile and said, “Hello! I’m Rachel!” Then suddenly her face became really serious. She leaned towards me and asked, “Do you like hockey?” Completely baffled, I just smiled at her. My former classmate told her, “This is Jillianne. Rachel, don’t scare her. She went to PCA (the snooty prep school in the neighboring town) last year.”
Rachel sighed with understanding and said, “That’s too bad.” Then a boy carrying a breakfast tray came and sat down next to her. Rachel smiled at him and enthusiastically said, “Peter! I’m so happy to see you!” She motioned at me, “This is my new friend, Jillianne!” He gave me a casual smile, and I gave him one back. They continued to chat while Rachel continued to badger me with completely random questions. She asked, “Jillianne, do you watch The Bachelorette?” I shook my head no. She sighed and looked at Peter, “We love watching The Bachelorette, don’t we Peter?” He just continued to eat his breakfast. She looked back at me and said, “I kissed him once, you know.” Peter blushed and just shook his head giving me a look that just said, “I’m sorry.”
These people were just strangers to me. I did not expect to have any classes with them. Of course, what did I know? The girl who had asked me about The Bachelorette and the thin boy eating his breakfast would soon become two of the biggest influences my life has ever known.
*End Note: These two people did have a serious impact on the person I am today. However, neither of them are in my present life. I would call that a curse and a blessing.
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 5, 2016
Monday, January 4, 2016
The New Year
When I logged on to this blog, I wasn't expecting much. The last time I had checked I had around 4800 views, so I figured that number wouldn't have changed much considering the fact that I have been off the grid for just about two months now. However, surprises are real. I logged on and was baffled when I saw that #backontheyak had accumulated a total of over 5150 views. So obviously this blog is not a lost cause and there are still a few of you out there who have an interest in what I have to say. Thank you for not abandoning me.
It's January 4, 2016. How crazy is that? I remember the first time I really realized the magnitude of a New year. I was on my way to a dance with my YMCA Princess group and the year was 2001, soon to be 2002. I remember thinking, "2002? That's wild." I would have to write a different year on all of my papers at school and the teachers would have to erase the pre-set 2001 that had been written on all of the white boards. One of my friends in the limo said, "Imagine what it will feel like when it's 2010!" I remember scoffing and thinking, "Yeah right, we're never going to get to 2010." Well here we are in 2016...
Allow me to have a moment of nostalgia.
Every year I hear people say how year ____ is going to be "their year." As if they had accomplished nothing and had no source of happiness in the previous year. Well among all you folks saying that you're leaving everything behind in 2015 and are determined to make 2016 the best year of your life, I'm here to tell you that 2015 was my year. I kicked the year off by mustering up the courage to attend college. I did, and I killed it. Throughout the year I continued to make all A's in my classes, proving to those around me that I wasn't a basket case and I was capable of getting my act together. Over the summer, I was responsible for maintaining the life of two young boys; they taught me patience and compassion and for once in my life I began to consider that motherhood could be a part of my later adult life. That job gave me enough funds for me to singlehandedly support my self for the remainder of the year, which felt pretty awesome. In between acing papers and raising two boys, I traveled alone visiting domestic places such as Austin, Texas and Atlanta, Georgia, along with Washington D.C. I built a better relationship with old friends and I learned to let go of those new friends who may not have been actual friends. I obtained a new personal record for the amount of books read in a year, and beefed up on all sorts of walks of life. I flooded my room with French vocabulary in an attempt to become more literate in a foreign language. However, somewhere between all of those lines, I also found myself in another personal mental crisis. I wasn't unhappy, per se, but I wasn't necessarily happy either. Instead of pulling the plug on my own life or running away to India, I learned the importance of relying on my support system. I found my footing in the eyes of those who truly loved me. During the turbulence, I realized that maybe art wasn't the path I needed to live on, but rather a side path that I could find joy in when needed. The path that I needed to live on, the path that was always in my life but I had never considered building a home on was English. It has always been something I can be passionate about and it is a subject in which I have always thrived. I realized that I don't need to be different or peculiar in order for people to find me interesting. Rather, someone taught me that I am perfectly capable of being loved if I remain 100% true to myself. This person also taught me that the world isn't always out to get you, and that everything that comes out of a person's mouth isn't always a lie. This person is my precious Logan and he has given me more than either of us thought possible. I am able to live with my past and the mistakes that I have made, but I am also able to see a future, which is a new thing that I find... pretty amazing. There is some goodness and kindness left in the world, and for once in my life, I feel safe and secure and beautiful and loved.
This was my 2015. Like most years, I exited the year a much different person than when I entered it. Honestly, I am exiting the year as a person I never planned on being. That is not a bad thing; it is actually the greatest blessing I have ever been given. I entered 2016 in the arms of someone I love under a sky full of colors and blasts, and I am excited to see what the rest of the year has to offer. Obviously, I can't speak for the rest of the year, but today, I am happy. I feel myself sliding back into that yak and that puts a smile on my face.
So thank you to those who haven't given up on my blog. Thank you to those who abandoned me. Thank you to my boys for naming me the Battleship Queen and for telling me that you love me. Thank you to my mother and my father for remaining patient and supportive while I adjust to myself. Thank you to my sister for coming to me when I was in a dark place and bringing me light before it was too late. Thank you to my Schloemer family for providing me with a home when mine was not an option. Thank you to Logan for exceeding all expectations and for constantly sweeping me off my feet and for holding me and kissing my forehead whenever I have a breakdown. Thank you to everyone who participated in building this stronger and wiser Jillianne that is leaving 2015 and entering 2016. You are worth more than you know.
It's January 4, 2016. How crazy is that? I remember the first time I really realized the magnitude of a New year. I was on my way to a dance with my YMCA Princess group and the year was 2001, soon to be 2002. I remember thinking, "2002? That's wild." I would have to write a different year on all of my papers at school and the teachers would have to erase the pre-set 2001 that had been written on all of the white boards. One of my friends in the limo said, "Imagine what it will feel like when it's 2010!" I remember scoffing and thinking, "Yeah right, we're never going to get to 2010." Well here we are in 2016...
Allow me to have a moment of nostalgia.
Every year I hear people say how year ____ is going to be "their year." As if they had accomplished nothing and had no source of happiness in the previous year. Well among all you folks saying that you're leaving everything behind in 2015 and are determined to make 2016 the best year of your life, I'm here to tell you that 2015 was my year. I kicked the year off by mustering up the courage to attend college. I did, and I killed it. Throughout the year I continued to make all A's in my classes, proving to those around me that I wasn't a basket case and I was capable of getting my act together. Over the summer, I was responsible for maintaining the life of two young boys; they taught me patience and compassion and for once in my life I began to consider that motherhood could be a part of my later adult life. That job gave me enough funds for me to singlehandedly support my self for the remainder of the year, which felt pretty awesome. In between acing papers and raising two boys, I traveled alone visiting domestic places such as Austin, Texas and Atlanta, Georgia, along with Washington D.C. I built a better relationship with old friends and I learned to let go of those new friends who may not have been actual friends. I obtained a new personal record for the amount of books read in a year, and beefed up on all sorts of walks of life. I flooded my room with French vocabulary in an attempt to become more literate in a foreign language. However, somewhere between all of those lines, I also found myself in another personal mental crisis. I wasn't unhappy, per se, but I wasn't necessarily happy either. Instead of pulling the plug on my own life or running away to India, I learned the importance of relying on my support system. I found my footing in the eyes of those who truly loved me. During the turbulence, I realized that maybe art wasn't the path I needed to live on, but rather a side path that I could find joy in when needed. The path that I needed to live on, the path that was always in my life but I had never considered building a home on was English. It has always been something I can be passionate about and it is a subject in which I have always thrived. I realized that I don't need to be different or peculiar in order for people to find me interesting. Rather, someone taught me that I am perfectly capable of being loved if I remain 100% true to myself. This person also taught me that the world isn't always out to get you, and that everything that comes out of a person's mouth isn't always a lie. This person is my precious Logan and he has given me more than either of us thought possible. I am able to live with my past and the mistakes that I have made, but I am also able to see a future, which is a new thing that I find... pretty amazing. There is some goodness and kindness left in the world, and for once in my life, I feel safe and secure and beautiful and loved.
This was my 2015. Like most years, I exited the year a much different person than when I entered it. Honestly, I am exiting the year as a person I never planned on being. That is not a bad thing; it is actually the greatest blessing I have ever been given. I entered 2016 in the arms of someone I love under a sky full of colors and blasts, and I am excited to see what the rest of the year has to offer. Obviously, I can't speak for the rest of the year, but today, I am happy. I feel myself sliding back into that yak and that puts a smile on my face.
So thank you to those who haven't given up on my blog. Thank you to those who abandoned me. Thank you to my boys for naming me the Battleship Queen and for telling me that you love me. Thank you to my mother and my father for remaining patient and supportive while I adjust to myself. Thank you to my sister for coming to me when I was in a dark place and bringing me light before it was too late. Thank you to my Schloemer family for providing me with a home when mine was not an option. Thank you to Logan for exceeding all expectations and for constantly sweeping me off my feet and for holding me and kissing my forehead whenever I have a breakdown. Thank you to everyone who participated in building this stronger and wiser Jillianne that is leaving 2015 and entering 2016. You are worth more than you know.
Tuesday, November 10, 2015
Melatonin Thoughts: Episode One
So it's not even 2 o'clock in the morning here on my beautiful southern college campus and I am awake. I'm not trying to shock you or anything; a college kid and the wee hours of the morning are no strangers. But anyway, I'm lying (laying? (chickens lay eggs, Jillianne. Humans lie down. (Right?)) I honestly don't know.) in bed, waiting for my melatonin sleep-aid to kick in and I just thought I'd check in with everyone, make sure you're all alive and well. Also, besides the fact that this drug puts me out *snaps fingers* like that, I am also going in between this page on my computer and the one that is educating me on Italian folklore, so forgive me if my writing is scattered stylistically. I also have a small stack of Oreos on my bedside table that I'm enjoying while I wait for this medicine to do its job. Fun fact: Melatonin is also used to treat anxiety along with lack of sleep. So I find it kind of ironic that Oreos are my vice of choice, because I feel like if there's anything on this world that would decrease sleep and increase anxiety, it would be Oreos. But hey, whatever.
Aren't relationships weird? It's like, one day everything changes. I am currently in a relationship, with the wonderful Lo who was featured in an earlier post on this very blog in which you find yourself currently. He is wonderful, he truly is. He was sick today, so wish him well. But anyway, every now and again I will look at him and I'll just have this one macro thought that's really a billion things but it only takes a second for me to get the idea:
Long before I met Lo, I thought I had met the one. I was much younger and I was in a very different place in my life. I would listen to those who said things like "The people you meet in high school won't be in your long-term life" and "high school love isn't forever" and I was just like "you have no idea what you're talking about. But me, I know what I'm talking about. I know it. I'm right." Well, I was wrong. And I have never found more delight in being completely wrong. I spent years determined and convinced that I was going to spend my life with this certain person. Even after we broke up for the last time, I still thought that after many years we would find our way back to each other and be together again (clearly I've watched far too many John Hughes and Nicholas Sparks movies and I need to go read Tolstoy or something). But then when I decided to take a semester off instead of starting school, I began to realize that maybe that future wasn't in the cards for me. I couldn't understand. Why couldn't that work out for me? I had already been through hell for many different reasons. When I start school in January, I expect things to turn around. I'm not saying I wanted this guy to be at my door step, but I wanted a friend. I couldn't take any art classes so I had to endure everything else. I had no friends except for the ones I arrived with and my life was numb. I didn't hate myself, which was refreshing, but I wasn't in love with myself either. I also couldn't understand why I wasn't being approached with friendship offers; I'm cute, I'm charming. Life wasn't going my way and I didn't see why. By the end of the semester, I'm sick of it. I begin to make plans to transfer in a year or two to a school where I am adored for my charm and cuteness: Savannah College for Art and Design. Fall arrives. I have an art class. I expect to make a friend. I also expect this semester to not differ heavily from my previous semester. I still expect to be in bed by 8, watch a movie on HBO every other day, and finish a book a week. Once again, I was wrong.
All that time I spent crying and looking at the sky asking someone up there, "WHY?! Why can't I have the things that I want? Why is everything in my life going wrong?!" That same someone was silently laughing back at me, because little did I know, that everything was actually going very right.
It's crazy how you can be fully independent one day, and then the next you have this other person that you find yourself dependent on. I'm not saying I need Lo for my survival. But I am saying that when he isn't with me, I find myself looking around feeling the same way I felt as a child whenever I left my lunchbox at home. You can live a day without lunch, but the day is so much better with the lunch, and after a few days without it, you just turn bitter and empty and your friends start offering you their rejected carrot sticks as if that can fill the hole. He has truly become my other half and that is the best feeling in the whole world. I actually have someone who twirls me around in the street not because I like it, but because he likes it. I have someone whom I can tell the weirdest stuff to (I'd give an example, but again, it's weird, and he gets the point). It's more than having a best friend. Because yeah, I have best friends and they're sensational, but Lo is my best friend and I'm also in love with him which makes it even better.
So in those heavy moments when I look at him and smile, the gist of what I'm feeling is something along the lines of "I love you. And I'm so glad my life was so shitty because it was all part of the miracle that got me to you."
That's not really where I thought this post would take me... All I'm saying is that if you're in a bad place right now, keep your head up. It's around the corner and you have to trust the world. Good things are coming, and you have to survive in order to see it. I promise, it's worth your while.
I'm out of Oreos, I'll talk to you guys later.
Aren't relationships weird? It's like, one day everything changes. I am currently in a relationship, with the wonderful Lo who was featured in an earlier post on this very blog in which you find yourself currently. He is wonderful, he truly is. He was sick today, so wish him well. But anyway, every now and again I will look at him and I'll just have this one macro thought that's really a billion things but it only takes a second for me to get the idea:
Long before I met Lo, I thought I had met the one. I was much younger and I was in a very different place in my life. I would listen to those who said things like "The people you meet in high school won't be in your long-term life" and "high school love isn't forever" and I was just like "you have no idea what you're talking about. But me, I know what I'm talking about. I know it. I'm right." Well, I was wrong. And I have never found more delight in being completely wrong. I spent years determined and convinced that I was going to spend my life with this certain person. Even after we broke up for the last time, I still thought that after many years we would find our way back to each other and be together again (clearly I've watched far too many John Hughes and Nicholas Sparks movies and I need to go read Tolstoy or something). But then when I decided to take a semester off instead of starting school, I began to realize that maybe that future wasn't in the cards for me. I couldn't understand. Why couldn't that work out for me? I had already been through hell for many different reasons. When I start school in January, I expect things to turn around. I'm not saying I wanted this guy to be at my door step, but I wanted a friend. I couldn't take any art classes so I had to endure everything else. I had no friends except for the ones I arrived with and my life was numb. I didn't hate myself, which was refreshing, but I wasn't in love with myself either. I also couldn't understand why I wasn't being approached with friendship offers; I'm cute, I'm charming. Life wasn't going my way and I didn't see why. By the end of the semester, I'm sick of it. I begin to make plans to transfer in a year or two to a school where I am adored for my charm and cuteness: Savannah College for Art and Design. Fall arrives. I have an art class. I expect to make a friend. I also expect this semester to not differ heavily from my previous semester. I still expect to be in bed by 8, watch a movie on HBO every other day, and finish a book a week. Once again, I was wrong.
All that time I spent crying and looking at the sky asking someone up there, "WHY?! Why can't I have the things that I want? Why is everything in my life going wrong?!" That same someone was silently laughing back at me, because little did I know, that everything was actually going very right.
It's crazy how you can be fully independent one day, and then the next you have this other person that you find yourself dependent on. I'm not saying I need Lo for my survival. But I am saying that when he isn't with me, I find myself looking around feeling the same way I felt as a child whenever I left my lunchbox at home. You can live a day without lunch, but the day is so much better with the lunch, and after a few days without it, you just turn bitter and empty and your friends start offering you their rejected carrot sticks as if that can fill the hole. He has truly become my other half and that is the best feeling in the whole world. I actually have someone who twirls me around in the street not because I like it, but because he likes it. I have someone whom I can tell the weirdest stuff to (I'd give an example, but again, it's weird, and he gets the point). It's more than having a best friend. Because yeah, I have best friends and they're sensational, but Lo is my best friend and I'm also in love with him which makes it even better.
So in those heavy moments when I look at him and smile, the gist of what I'm feeling is something along the lines of "I love you. And I'm so glad my life was so shitty because it was all part of the miracle that got me to you."
That's not really where I thought this post would take me... All I'm saying is that if you're in a bad place right now, keep your head up. It's around the corner and you have to trust the world. Good things are coming, and you have to survive in order to see it. I promise, it's worth your while.
I'm out of Oreos, I'll talk to you guys later.
Monday, October 26, 2015
Yoga
We had a mini yoga session one summer morning. There were couples sitting out on their porch, sipping their coffee, cheering us on. It's not an easy thing (yoga on a board, not sipping caffeine on a porch, that's easy), but we managed. Sarah Anne is obviously a yoga master when it comes to paddle boarding. And as you can see, I am not. I did a few poses, but they weren't worthy of photo documentation.
Thursday, September 17, 2015
Paddle Lo, Sweet Jellyfish
8:52 p.m. September 12, 2015
Logan: What time do I need to be there tomorrow?
Me: Maybe 9:30-10? The later it is, the choppier the water is
Logan: I'll probably leave my house at around 8:30
Me: Yeah, that sounds fine
Logan: Ugh I'm so excited. I think I'm going to go to bed right now so it will get here faster
My eyes open and I roll over to look at the clock.
9:10
I blink at the time before I realize.. Logan will be here any minute. *Gasp* He could be here right now! Oh my God. I leap out of bed and throw on some shorts. My mother pokes her head in my door and says, "Sweetie, what time is Logan supposed to arrive?"
I take a breath of relief and say, "I don't know, probably soon." I reach over my bed and look at my phone.
8:20 Logan: Well I'm leaving now
8:20 Logan: I'll see you in a bit
9:11 I'm like ten minutes away
"Actually, he'll be here in ten minutes," I say with a smile.
Mom nods and walks out. I finish getting dressed before walking outside to get everything ready. I hear Mom call to me as I walk out the door, "Paddle and life vests are already in the car!" I turn around and sit in the kitchen with her and Kirby.
Kirby is talking about the football games we missed last night and how his job "is really cutting into turn-up nights". I'm not paying attention, I just sit and watch out the window, waiting for Lo to pull up.
I walk over into the dining room to look for my shoes when I see a car pull into the front circle. A small squeal escapes my mouth and I smile over at my mother and say, "He's here." She rolls her eyes as I dance out the door to give him a hug.
"Welcome to my home!" I say as I wrap my arms around him.
"Jillianne, do not go down Alligator Alley. It's cold outside so they're probably all out and about enjoying this weather," my mother says as I fill up two water bottles.
"I think it's the opposite," Kirby chimes in, "They don't like the cold."
Mom gives him a glare and says, "No, there will be a ton of them, just waiting for a snack to drift by."
Lo pipes in, "I actually think this guy is right. They don't like cold. I think they'll just stay at the bottom."
I laugh nervously as I search for the lids that go with the bottles.
"Well, either way.." Mom can't finish her argument.
During the drive to the launch, I give Logan the tour of my town; telling him which bank is mine, the school I went to, where Mom works, Jane Todd's house, and the beach.
When we finally have the boats in the water, it's about 10:15. I've been kayaking during this time before and I was nervous when I realized I would be doing it again today. Normally at this time, the water starts to get wavy, making it difficult during certain stretches of the trip. But today seemed to have a different aura about it. The temperature was in the low 70s and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. There was a nice breeze but it didn't seem to affect the water at all. The water wasn't still, but it wasn't necessarily rough either, it seemed lovely. For a normal September day in the South, it couldn't be any less normal.
I push Logan out into the water and he tries to stay in place.
"Paddle out into the opening," I say.
"No, then I'll miss you. I'll sit and wait."
I laugh and sit in my kayak, scooting along into the water. Gliding past him, I head left out to the main water. He trails behind me as I tell him which way the golf course is and which way we'll be coming back from, "Just so you know where you are," I smile at him.
I look back and see Logan far behind. I put my paddle down and fold my hands in my lap, listening to the cicadas' humming fill the air. Normally in Mississippi, you can't see fall coming. There is no transition, you go to bed one day in the summer and wake up the next morning in the winter. Trees lose their leaves over night and what was once a lush green area becomes a dead brown spot all within the blink of an eye. But on that abnormal September morning, I could feel fall approaching. I looked up at the tops of the Pine trees that line the murky banks of this swamp and notice that the higher branches of needles have been dipped in shades of red and orange. The majority of the tree is still green, and I think I probably wouldn't have noticed the change in color if I hadn't stopped to look. Blades of grass that stick out above the water wave and dance as I drift, almost as if they are happy that I am back with them, enjoying this beautiful day in their company.
Logan catches up with me and says, "I need to up my game so we can paddle together."
I laugh and say, "I'll try to take it easy."
We begin making our way through Alligator Alley and Logan comments on the beauty. I nod but something next to me catches my eye. At first I thought it was just a fish, but it was too white. Then I thought it was a trash bag floating along, but when I focus on it through the dirty water, I realize: It's a jellyfish. "Logan!" I yell. "Look! Oh my gosh! It's a jellyfish! What?! I've never seen one before! Why is it here! Logan, look! Oh my gosh! Do you see it? What on Earth? Can you believe it? A jellyfish, Logan! Look! Wait, oh my gosh, come back! I need a picture. Logan, do you see it?!" I try to paddle back to find it as I whip out my camera. It dances along through the water, twirling in circles and pumping up and down below me. Logan makes his way over and watches it, not exactly sharing my same level of enthusiasm. "How have I never seen one before?" I ask as I admire it from afar.
Continuing down the alley, I spot another one. This one is red and much smaller than the last one. Logan smiles and says, "Would you look at that?"
As we paddle back around the island towards the house, Logan asks me how I know my way around so well, "Like, how did you find all of these little pathways and stuff?" I tell him how when I first got my kayak, Trea and I went out here everyday and just took a different route each time.
"So you mapped it out by just exploring?" he says.
I smile, "Yeah. I like it put that way."
As we get closer to the launch, Logan grabs the side of my kayak and thanks me for bringing him out here.
"I know how special this place is to you, and I appreciate the fact that you wanted to share it with me. This has been wonderful, truly," he says with a smile before leaning over and giving me a kiss. I smile and tell him that I hope he wants to come back sometime.
We pull up to the launch and take a breath. Logan sighs and says, "I don't want to stop, but I'm also really hungry."
I laugh and suggest a good place for lunch. I grab my paddle and look down into the water before I step out..
And there, dancing above the ground in the 6-inch deep water that sits in between Lo and I, is a jellyfish. My eyes widen and I smile, not having any words left to describe my joy. Logan smiles at it and then smiles at me, saying, "What a perfect way to end this perfect trip."
Logan: What time do I need to be there tomorrow?
Me: Maybe 9:30-10? The later it is, the choppier the water is
Logan: I'll probably leave my house at around 8:30
Me: Yeah, that sounds fine
Logan: Ugh I'm so excited. I think I'm going to go to bed right now so it will get here faster
My eyes open and I roll over to look at the clock.
9:10
I blink at the time before I realize.. Logan will be here any minute. *Gasp* He could be here right now! Oh my God. I leap out of bed and throw on some shorts. My mother pokes her head in my door and says, "Sweetie, what time is Logan supposed to arrive?"
I take a breath of relief and say, "I don't know, probably soon." I reach over my bed and look at my phone.
8:20 Logan: Well I'm leaving now
8:20 Logan: I'll see you in a bit
9:11 I'm like ten minutes away
"Actually, he'll be here in ten minutes," I say with a smile.
Mom nods and walks out. I finish getting dressed before walking outside to get everything ready. I hear Mom call to me as I walk out the door, "Paddle and life vests are already in the car!" I turn around and sit in the kitchen with her and Kirby.
Kirby is talking about the football games we missed last night and how his job "is really cutting into turn-up nights". I'm not paying attention, I just sit and watch out the window, waiting for Lo to pull up.
I walk over into the dining room to look for my shoes when I see a car pull into the front circle. A small squeal escapes my mouth and I smile over at my mother and say, "He's here." She rolls her eyes as I dance out the door to give him a hug.
"Welcome to my home!" I say as I wrap my arms around him.
"Jillianne, do not go down Alligator Alley. It's cold outside so they're probably all out and about enjoying this weather," my mother says as I fill up two water bottles.
"I think it's the opposite," Kirby chimes in, "They don't like the cold."
Mom gives him a glare and says, "No, there will be a ton of them, just waiting for a snack to drift by."
Lo pipes in, "I actually think this guy is right. They don't like cold. I think they'll just stay at the bottom."
I laugh nervously as I search for the lids that go with the bottles.
"Well, either way.." Mom can't finish her argument.
During the drive to the launch, I give Logan the tour of my town; telling him which bank is mine, the school I went to, where Mom works, Jane Todd's house, and the beach.
When we finally have the boats in the water, it's about 10:15. I've been kayaking during this time before and I was nervous when I realized I would be doing it again today. Normally at this time, the water starts to get wavy, making it difficult during certain stretches of the trip. But today seemed to have a different aura about it. The temperature was in the low 70s and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. There was a nice breeze but it didn't seem to affect the water at all. The water wasn't still, but it wasn't necessarily rough either, it seemed lovely. For a normal September day in the South, it couldn't be any less normal.
I push Logan out into the water and he tries to stay in place.
"Paddle out into the opening," I say.
"No, then I'll miss you. I'll sit and wait."
I laugh and sit in my kayak, scooting along into the water. Gliding past him, I head left out to the main water. He trails behind me as I tell him which way the golf course is and which way we'll be coming back from, "Just so you know where you are," I smile at him.
I look back and see Logan far behind. I put my paddle down and fold my hands in my lap, listening to the cicadas' humming fill the air. Normally in Mississippi, you can't see fall coming. There is no transition, you go to bed one day in the summer and wake up the next morning in the winter. Trees lose their leaves over night and what was once a lush green area becomes a dead brown spot all within the blink of an eye. But on that abnormal September morning, I could feel fall approaching. I looked up at the tops of the Pine trees that line the murky banks of this swamp and notice that the higher branches of needles have been dipped in shades of red and orange. The majority of the tree is still green, and I think I probably wouldn't have noticed the change in color if I hadn't stopped to look. Blades of grass that stick out above the water wave and dance as I drift, almost as if they are happy that I am back with them, enjoying this beautiful day in their company.
Logan catches up with me and says, "I need to up my game so we can paddle together."
I laugh and say, "I'll try to take it easy."
We begin making our way through Alligator Alley and Logan comments on the beauty. I nod but something next to me catches my eye. At first I thought it was just a fish, but it was too white. Then I thought it was a trash bag floating along, but when I focus on it through the dirty water, I realize: It's a jellyfish. "Logan!" I yell. "Look! Oh my gosh! It's a jellyfish! What?! I've never seen one before! Why is it here! Logan, look! Oh my gosh! Do you see it? What on Earth? Can you believe it? A jellyfish, Logan! Look! Wait, oh my gosh, come back! I need a picture. Logan, do you see it?!" I try to paddle back to find it as I whip out my camera. It dances along through the water, twirling in circles and pumping up and down below me. Logan makes his way over and watches it, not exactly sharing my same level of enthusiasm. "How have I never seen one before?" I ask as I admire it from afar.
Continuing down the alley, I spot another one. This one is red and much smaller than the last one. Logan smiles and says, "Would you look at that?"
As we paddle back around the island towards the house, Logan asks me how I know my way around so well, "Like, how did you find all of these little pathways and stuff?" I tell him how when I first got my kayak, Trea and I went out here everyday and just took a different route each time.
"So you mapped it out by just exploring?" he says.
I smile, "Yeah. I like it put that way."
As we get closer to the launch, Logan grabs the side of my kayak and thanks me for bringing him out here.
"I know how special this place is to you, and I appreciate the fact that you wanted to share it with me. This has been wonderful, truly," he says with a smile before leaning over and giving me a kiss. I smile and tell him that I hope he wants to come back sometime.
We pull up to the launch and take a breath. Logan sighs and says, "I don't want to stop, but I'm also really hungry."
I laugh and suggest a good place for lunch. I grab my paddle and look down into the water before I step out..
And there, dancing above the ground in the 6-inch deep water that sits in between Lo and I, is a jellyfish. My eyes widen and I smile, not having any words left to describe my joy. Logan smiles at it and then smiles at me, saying, "What a perfect way to end this perfect trip."
Wednesday, September 2, 2015
Off The Yak
I've never been paddle boarding. But I've watched Jane Todd and Kayla do it plenty of times. I'm too lazy to put the kayak rack back on the car so I ask if I can go paddle boarding with Jane Todd rather than kayaking. No body sees why not.
The two of us drive over to the yacht club in the morning to pick them up. Jane Todd grabs the key to the shed while I slip a blanket on to the top of the car. I help her move boxes of styrofoam cups out of the way and then we heave the beasts out of the small room. The boards rest on the car with the fins sticking up towards the sky.
It's the most difficult thing I've ever done in my life. Once I slide onto mine and drift out into the water, I immediately start taking on water, I'm wobbling over to each side just enough to feel like I'm going to flip, and no matter how I paddle I start turning 180ยบ. I'm uncomfortable but I know that if I try to adjust myself this board will be bottoms up. I look at Jane Todd. She makes it look so easy. She's jumping around, cruising farther away from me by the second.
"Jane Todd!" I cry out, "How do I make it work!"
She looks at me and laughs, "Well, for starters, you're on it backwards."
I look down at my feet and back at her, "Are you sure?"
"I'm positive."
Very cautiously, I turn myself around and start paddling.
It's a miracle! I'm flying! Okay, not really, but it's so much easier. The fin is in the back and I can do it!
Okay this is still the hardest thing I've ever done. We've gone a mile and I have gained zero confidence. Maybe I can stand.. Nope. That was a terrible idea. I'll just sit. No! I can do better than that! I'll just sit on my knees. That's basically the same thing as standing, right? Right.
Jane Todd is no where in sight. Wait, I think here mousey call.. "Jillianne?"
"I'm here!"
"Where?" she calls.
Jane Todd there's only one way you can go. I'll give you three guesses on where I am.
"Marco!" I scream.
A pause, "POLOOOO!"
I see her turning around the corner to join me as I struggle.
"How can you do this so easily?" I ask softly.
She smiles, "How can you kayak so easily?"
"I mean, I do it a lot."
"Exactly," she motions her hand over her board, "I feel the same."
We're coming up on Alligator Alley. I made it under the bridge with no problem and I'm improving my steering. Things are good.
All of sudden, I hear a hiss coming through the grassy swamps that are on our right. It sounds like a rustling, something is in there? I'm watching, sitting as still as I ever have in my life. Jane Todd's eyes are glued, my eyes are glued.. Fifteen feet in front of us, a full-grown, 7-foot, mama gator makes her way out of the grass and slinks into the water..right..in..front..of us.
Jane Todd looks and me and lets out a mix of a bloody murder cry and a laugh.
I smile meekly and say, "Well, we have to go that way, so. Let's just keep paddling."
I take the lead, paddling with the shallowest strokes this world has ever seen. I hadn't known fear until that moment. The idea of gliding directly over an alligator with my only protection being a 3-inch thick flat board of foam is an idea I hope none of you are ever presented with.
So we're cruising along. We've been out here for maybe three days? Kidding, three hours. And I'm killing it. I actually passed Jane Todd. Now she's way behind me screaming, "Wait!"
We arrive at the mouth of the Bay, the sun is warm, surprise surprise, Jane Todd is taking selfies and I'm not. We strip down to our bikinis and just lie on the boards, letting the current pull us wherever we need to go. As I'm relaxing, two pelicans fly over me. I wonder if maybe they are a couple, or if they are siblings, or maybe they're just two friends. Maybe the two of them are thinking the same thing about Jane Todd and me, "Look at those two humans, they have no idea what they're missing down there." I also start to think about how pelicans were no where to be seen when my mom was my age. She grew up in this area and she claims that the earth was being filled with these toxic chemicals that eventually drained out into the waters and began killing off all of these birds. Over time, the majestic pelican has made its return and now whenever my mom sees one, she squeals with happiness and says, "Look at that beautiful creature."
On our way back, we paddle by a house undergoing construction. The scene is filled with construction workers and they all smile and tip their heads as we glide by. One calls out to me, "Take me with you!" The others laugh but I smile and say, "I wish I could." Jane Todd gives me a grin, and I look onward as I follow the direction of another pelican flying overhead.
The two of us drive over to the yacht club in the morning to pick them up. Jane Todd grabs the key to the shed while I slip a blanket on to the top of the car. I help her move boxes of styrofoam cups out of the way and then we heave the beasts out of the small room. The boards rest on the car with the fins sticking up towards the sky.
It's the most difficult thing I've ever done in my life. Once I slide onto mine and drift out into the water, I immediately start taking on water, I'm wobbling over to each side just enough to feel like I'm going to flip, and no matter how I paddle I start turning 180ยบ. I'm uncomfortable but I know that if I try to adjust myself this board will be bottoms up. I look at Jane Todd. She makes it look so easy. She's jumping around, cruising farther away from me by the second.
"Jane Todd!" I cry out, "How do I make it work!"
She looks at me and laughs, "Well, for starters, you're on it backwards."
I look down at my feet and back at her, "Are you sure?"
"I'm positive."
Very cautiously, I turn myself around and start paddling.
It's a miracle! I'm flying! Okay, not really, but it's so much easier. The fin is in the back and I can do it!
Okay this is still the hardest thing I've ever done. We've gone a mile and I have gained zero confidence. Maybe I can stand.. Nope. That was a terrible idea. I'll just sit. No! I can do better than that! I'll just sit on my knees. That's basically the same thing as standing, right? Right.
Jane Todd is no where in sight. Wait, I think here mousey call.. "Jillianne?"
"I'm here!"
"Where?" she calls.
Jane Todd there's only one way you can go. I'll give you three guesses on where I am.
"Marco!" I scream.
A pause, "POLOOOO!"
I see her turning around the corner to join me as I struggle.
"How can you do this so easily?" I ask softly.
She smiles, "How can you kayak so easily?"
"I mean, I do it a lot."
"Exactly," she motions her hand over her board, "I feel the same."
We're coming up on Alligator Alley. I made it under the bridge with no problem and I'm improving my steering. Things are good.
All of sudden, I hear a hiss coming through the grassy swamps that are on our right. It sounds like a rustling, something is in there? I'm watching, sitting as still as I ever have in my life. Jane Todd's eyes are glued, my eyes are glued.. Fifteen feet in front of us, a full-grown, 7-foot, mama gator makes her way out of the grass and slinks into the water..right..in..front..of us.
Jane Todd looks and me and lets out a mix of a bloody murder cry and a laugh.
I smile meekly and say, "Well, we have to go that way, so. Let's just keep paddling."
I take the lead, paddling with the shallowest strokes this world has ever seen. I hadn't known fear until that moment. The idea of gliding directly over an alligator with my only protection being a 3-inch thick flat board of foam is an idea I hope none of you are ever presented with.
So we're cruising along. We've been out here for maybe three days? Kidding, three hours. And I'm killing it. I actually passed Jane Todd. Now she's way behind me screaming, "Wait!"
We arrive at the mouth of the Bay, the sun is warm, surprise surprise, Jane Todd is taking selfies and I'm not. We strip down to our bikinis and just lie on the boards, letting the current pull us wherever we need to go. As I'm relaxing, two pelicans fly over me. I wonder if maybe they are a couple, or if they are siblings, or maybe they're just two friends. Maybe the two of them are thinking the same thing about Jane Todd and me, "Look at those two humans, they have no idea what they're missing down there." I also start to think about how pelicans were no where to be seen when my mom was my age. She grew up in this area and she claims that the earth was being filled with these toxic chemicals that eventually drained out into the waters and began killing off all of these birds. Over time, the majestic pelican has made its return and now whenever my mom sees one, she squeals with happiness and says, "Look at that beautiful creature."
On our way back, we paddle by a house undergoing construction. The scene is filled with construction workers and they all smile and tip their heads as we glide by. One calls out to me, "Take me with you!" The others laugh but I smile and say, "I wish I could." Jane Todd gives me a grin, and I look onward as I follow the direction of another pelican flying overhead.
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