The New Year

   When I logged on to this blog, I wasn't expecting much.  The last time I had checked I had around 4800 views, so I figured that number wouldn't have changed much considering the fact that I have been off the grid for just about two months now.  However, surprises are real.  I logged on and was baffled when I saw that #backontheyak had accumulated a total of over 5150 views.  So obviously this blog is not a lost cause and there are still a few of you out there who have an interest in what I have to say.  Thank you for not abandoning me.
   It's January 4, 2016.  How crazy is that? I remember the first time I really realized the magnitude of a New year.  I was on my way to a dance with my YMCA Princess group and the year was 2001, soon to be 2002.  I remember thinking, "2002? That's wild."  I would have to write a different year on all of my papers at school and the teachers would have to erase the pre-set 2001 that had been written on all of the white boards.  One of my friends in the limo said, "Imagine what it will feel like when it's 2010!" I remember scoffing and thinking, "Yeah right, we're never going to get to 2010."  Well here we are in 2016...
   Allow me to have a moment of nostalgia.
   Every year I hear people say how year ____ is going to be "their year." As if they had accomplished nothing and had no source of happiness in the previous year.  Well among all you folks saying that you're leaving everything behind in 2015 and are determined to make 2016 the best year of your life, I'm here to tell you that 2015 was my year.  I kicked the year off by mustering up the courage to attend college.  I did, and I killed it.  Throughout the year I continued to make all A's in my classes, proving to those around me that I wasn't a basket case and I was capable of getting my act together.  Over the summer, I was responsible for maintaining the life of two young boys; they taught me patience and compassion and for once in my life I began to consider that motherhood could be a part of my later adult life.  That job gave me enough funds for me to singlehandedly support my self for the remainder of the year, which felt pretty awesome.  In between acing papers and raising two boys, I traveled alone visiting domestic places such as Austin, Texas and Atlanta, Georgia, along with Washington D.C.  I built a better relationship with old friends and I learned to let go of those new friends who may not have been actual friends.  I obtained a new personal record for the amount of books read in a year, and beefed up on all sorts of walks of life.  I flooded my room with French vocabulary in an attempt to become more literate in a foreign language.  However, somewhere between all of those lines, I also found myself in another personal mental crisis.  I wasn't unhappy, per se, but I wasn't necessarily happy either.  Instead of pulling the plug on my own life or running away to India, I learned the importance of relying on my support system.  I found my footing in the eyes of those who truly loved me.  During the turbulence, I realized that maybe art wasn't the path I needed to live on, but rather a side path that I could find joy in when needed.  The path that I needed to live on, the path that was always in my life but I had never considered building a home on was English.  It has always been something I can be passionate about and it is a subject in which I have always thrived.  I realized that I don't need to be different or peculiar in order for people to find me interesting.  Rather, someone taught me that I am perfectly capable of being loved if I remain 100% true to myself.  This person also taught me that the world isn't always out to get you, and that everything that comes out of a person's mouth isn't always a lie.  This person is my precious Logan and he has given me more than either of us thought possible.  I am able to live with my past and the mistakes that I have made, but I am also able to see a future, which is a new thing that I find... pretty amazing.  There is some goodness and kindness left in the world, and for once in my life, I feel safe and secure and beautiful and loved.
   This was my 2015.  Like most years, I exited the year a much different person than when I entered it.  Honestly, I am exiting the year as a person I never planned on being.  That is not a bad thing; it is actually the greatest blessing I have ever been given.  I entered 2016 in the arms of someone I love under a sky full of colors and blasts, and I am excited to see what the rest of the year has to offer.  Obviously, I can't speak for the rest of the year, but today, I am happy.  I feel myself sliding back into that yak and that puts a smile on my face.
   So thank you to those who haven't given up on my blog.  Thank you to those who abandoned me.  Thank you to my boys for naming me the Battleship Queen and for telling me that you love me.  Thank you to my mother and my father for remaining patient and supportive while I adjust to myself.  Thank you to my sister for coming to me when I was in a dark place and bringing me light before it was too late.  Thank you to my Schloemer family for providing me with a home when mine was not an option.  Thank you to Logan for exceeding all expectations and for constantly sweeping me off my feet and for holding me and kissing my forehead whenever I have a breakdown.  Thank you to everyone who participated in building this stronger and wiser Jillianne that is leaving 2015 and entering 2016.  You are worth more than you know.

Summer Job

Thoughts from my last week at work:

   In case any of you were debating over just how glamorous (I had to sing the song in my head as I typed that. Thank you, Fergie) my life is, let me put your worries to rest. At the moment, I am sitting on a red corduroy couch, under a Transformers blanket, while sipping water from my Spiderman Tervis. This is not my normal life. This is my work life. Because at some point during my normal life, I decided that it would be a good idea for me to spend my summer nannying two children. When I was first offered the position, I thought, "Heck yes! I'll be making money. But the important part is that I will be given the opportunity to shape and inspire two bright up-and-coming minds for the future." After the first day of waking up at 7 in the morning to drive to their house to spend ten hours in the company of a ten year old and an eight year old, I quickly realized that I must have been drugged when I accepted the job. But now, looking at it in retrospect, I am thankful that this is how I chose to spend my summer. In between the moments of the fragile diabetic ten year old trying to sneak fruit roll-ups past me while the stoic eight year old looks at me like I am a lunatic when I ask him to put his shoes on so we can go to the movies, there were some great moments.

Me: Do you guys want to go to Chuck-E-Cheese?

Lil' Joey (The stoic eight year old): Yeah!

Cool Blue (The diabetic ten year old): Nah. I stopped liking that place when I was, like, eight.

Lil' Joey: Okay, Cool Blue. Since you are too mature and cool for Chuck-E-Cheese and since you are practically a grown-up, they have a special menu for you now. Yeah, you can order from the adult menu. It's full of vegetables and stuff like that. So you can eat your broccoli while I play.

There were no words.
______

*We are all making origami*

Cool Blue: I need to make something for Mom and Dad. Hmm.. I can make Mom a butterfly. I don't know what to make Dad. What does Dad like?

Lil' Joey: Dad likes Mom. Make an origami version of Mom.

Once again, there were no words.
______

*Playing Monopoly*

Cool Blue: Ugh, I need to straighten all of these hotels. I'm OCD."

Lil' Joey: Cool Blue, you're not actually OCD. You only act that way because you like to think you're OCD. But you're not, your room is a mess.

Lil' Joey knows how to shut down a conversation.
______

*Driving home from Art Camp*

Lil' Joey: I wonder what kind of robots we will have when I am an old man.

Cool Blue: I don't think they can make anything else. I am pretty sure we have created everything that can ever be created.

Lil' Joey: What are you talking about? You haven't created anything.

Cool Blue: No, I mean "we" as in the human race.

Lil' Joey: Oh. Then no way! There's still a ton to create.

Cool Blue:: I don't know. I think this is it.

Lil' Joey: I bet that's what people were saying about the size of TVs a long time ago. Now look at us. Have you seen our TV?

It was at that moment when I looked in the rear view mirror and thought, "Who are you people?"
______

I know what you're thinking, "These boys sound hilarious. How could you not want to be around them?" But you have to understand, they only speak about 30% of the time. The other 70% is spent with their eyes glued to their handheld electronics as if they each have a personal vendetta to uphold.

This summer is coming to an end and I have to admit that I am a little upset. While I won't miss waking up early or the sound of plates breaking or a sea of smoke flooding from the kitchen.. I will miss the boys running up to me saying things like, "Can you help us freeze soap bubbles?!", "Have you ever made a telegraph?", "I don't get why people buy paper towels that aren't Bounty.", "You have long arm hair. I think if you wore a mask, people would think you're a boy.", "How can you like reading?", and "Can we go upstairs to hide from the zombies?"

To commemorate our eventful/extremely dull summer together, Lil' Joey wrote a poem about it as one of his summer writing projects for school. Here it is:

A warm gentle breeze
blows through the trees
but I didn't see it
because I was at the movies

We went to the pool
and it was pretty cool

Bryce had a bloody nose
but Jillianne cleaned it
with a water hose

We went to Subway
but she parked so far away
I asked, "Do we have to walk that?"
she said, "It's so you don't get too fat"

We had an art class in Bay Saint Louis
but when we got there
they said it was a funeral service^

She made guacamole
I said, "Holy moly"

It was time to go
but we wouldn't stop playing Halo

She told Bryce to check his blood
but he sighed and gave her a shrug^

Some friends came over
and there was a zombie take-over

She made me ham and cheese
and said I didn't even need to say please

I won at Monopoly
because I had hotel property

I've got a chill babysitter
so please, nobody hit her^

When he read this to me, I loved my job. I told him I was going to miss him and that maybe I would visit him one day at school. He said, "Please don't. I'll pretend I don't know you."

Thanks boys. I love you too.

^Spoken verbally but not in the final cut