Kayaking vs. Paddle Boarding

   Yesterday someone asked me how many times I went kayaking over the summer.  I cringed when I realized the answer.  Once.  Once! I went kayaking once over the summer.  But, in my defense, I went paddle boarding multiple times.  This doesn't make anything better and it leaves me feeling like I cheated on my beautiful Sun Burst.  I like to think I have a pretty good idea of who I am, and if there is anything that I am sure of in this life, it's that I was given a new life when I sat in my kayak for the first time and that my heart will always belong in one.  But lately, I have been spending more and more time with a paddle board.  I haven't been doing this because I think it is better than kayaking, it's just a completely different experience.  

   Before everyone starts thinking I am going to change this blog to "BackOnTheBoard", let me explain:

   The joys that come with kayaking have to do with comfort and versatility.  When you're on a kayak, you're able to go to all sorts of places.  The water conditions could be anywhere between the stillness of a bathtub to the anger of the Ocoee River, and you have a good chance of being okay while in a kayak.  There is also the perk of having that back rest; when you find yourself in the presence of true beauty, there is nothing stopping you from sitting back, folding your hands in your lap, and letting the world pull you along.  Finally, kayaks are safe and fast.  When I found myself face to face with an alligator while balancing on a paddle board, one of the first things that came to mind was my kayak.  A gator can flip a board with about the same level of struggle that comes with swimming.  A kayak gives you way more balance and control.  

   Paddle boarding is the opposite, but that doesn't make it superior or inferior in any way.  There is little comfort associated with paddle boarding, but there is liberation.  While you aren't able to recline and drift, you are able to stand and stretch your arms to the sky leaving you feeling like you have acquired some power to stand on water.  You can also fold your legs off the edge and just lie down (although I wouldn't recommend it, because you know, that's practically advertising yourself as gator bate) while watching the sky.  Being on a board also gives you quite the workout without feeling like one at all.  If you spend the entire trip standing, you're going to wake up the next morning with a sore tummy and some killer quads.  They also make it easy to slip into the water and slip right back on to the board.  If you fall out of a kayak, you have to do this kind of dance with it to get back in; a paddle board will stay with you as you easily pull yourself back up above the surface.  

   Both water sports have their ups and their downs.  I can call them both relaxing, but I could give two very different arguments for why that is.  At the end of the day, it depends on the person.  Both are enjoyable, both have their stress levels, and both have their beauty.  But when it comes down to it, I know where I belong.

Off The Yak

   I've never been paddle boarding.  But I've watched Jane Todd and Kayla do it plenty of times.  I'm too lazy to put the kayak rack back on the car so I ask if I can go paddle boarding with Jane Todd rather than kayaking.  No body sees why not.
   The two of us drive over to the yacht club in the morning to pick them up.  Jane Todd grabs the key to the shed while I slip a blanket on to the top of the car.  I help her move boxes of styrofoam cups out of the way and then we heave the beasts out of the small room.  The boards rest on the car with the fins sticking up towards the sky.

   It's the most difficult thing I've ever done in my life.  Once I slide onto mine and drift out into the water, I immediately start taking on water, I'm wobbling over to each side just enough to feel like I'm going to flip, and no matter how I paddle I start turning 180º.  I'm uncomfortable but I know that if I try to adjust myself this board will be bottoms up.  I look at Jane Todd.  She makes it look so easy.  She's jumping around, cruising farther away from me by the second.
   "Jane Todd!" I cry out, "How do I make it work!"
   She looks at me and laughs, "Well, for starters, you're on it backwards."
   I look down at my feet and back at her, "Are you sure?"
   "I'm positive."
   Very cautiously, I turn myself around and start paddling.
   It's a miracle!  I'm flying!  Okay, not really, but it's so much easier.  The fin is in the back and I can do it!

   Okay this is still the hardest thing I've ever done. We've gone a mile and I have gained zero confidence. Maybe I can stand.. Nope. That was a terrible idea.  I'll just sit. No! I can do better than that! I'll just sit on my knees. That's basically the same thing as standing, right? Right.

   Jane Todd is no where in sight. Wait, I think here mousey call.. "Jillianne?"
   "I'm here!"
   "Where?" she calls.
   Jane Todd there's only one way you can go. I'll give you three guesses on where I am.
   "Marco!" I scream.
   A pause, "POLOOOO!"
   I see her turning around the corner to join me as I struggle.
   "How can you do this so easily?" I ask softly.
   She smiles, "How can you kayak so easily?"
   "I mean, I do it a lot."
   "Exactly," she motions her hand over her board, "I feel the same."

   We're coming up on Alligator Alley. I made it under the bridge with no problem and I'm improving my steering. Things are good.
   All of sudden, I hear a hiss coming through the grassy swamps that are on our right. It sounds like a rustling, something is in there?  I'm watching, sitting as still as I ever have in my life.  Jane Todd's eyes are glued, my eyes are glued.. Fifteen feet in front of us, a full-grown, 7-foot, mama gator makes her way out of the grass and slinks into the water..right..in..front..of us.
   Jane Todd looks and me and lets out a mix of a bloody murder cry and a laugh.
   I smile meekly and say, "Well, we have to go that way, so. Let's just keep paddling."
   I take the lead, paddling with the shallowest strokes this world has ever seen.  I hadn't known fear until that moment.  The idea of gliding directly over an alligator with my only protection being a 3-inch thick flat board of foam is an idea I hope none of you are ever presented with.

   So we're cruising along. We've been out here for maybe three days? Kidding, three hours. And I'm killing it.  I actually passed Jane Todd.  Now she's way behind me screaming, "Wait!"
   We arrive at the mouth of the Bay, the sun is warm, surprise surprise, Jane Todd is taking selfies and I'm not.  We strip down to our bikinis and just lie on the boards, letting the current pull us wherever we need to go.  As I'm relaxing, two pelicans fly over me.  I wonder if maybe they are a couple, or if they are siblings, or maybe they're just two friends.  Maybe the two of them are thinking the same thing about Jane Todd and me, "Look at those two humans, they have no idea what they're missing down there."  I also start to think about how pelicans were no where to be seen when my mom was my age.  She grew up in this area and she claims that the earth was being filled with these toxic chemicals that eventually drained out into the waters and began killing off all of these birds.  Over time, the majestic pelican has made its return and now whenever my mom sees one, she squeals with happiness and says, "Look at that beautiful creature."

   On our way back, we paddle by a house undergoing construction.  The scene is filled with construction workers and they all smile and tip their heads as we glide by.  One calls out to me, "Take me with you!" The others laugh but I smile and say, "I wish I could."  Jane Todd gives me a grin, and I look onward as I follow the direction of another pelican flying overhead.

Summer Job

Thoughts from my last week at work:

   In case any of you were debating over just how glamorous (I had to sing the song in my head as I typed that. Thank you, Fergie) my life is, let me put your worries to rest. At the moment, I am sitting on a red corduroy couch, under a Transformers blanket, while sipping water from my Spiderman Tervis. This is not my normal life. This is my work life. Because at some point during my normal life, I decided that it would be a good idea for me to spend my summer nannying two children. When I was first offered the position, I thought, "Heck yes! I'll be making money. But the important part is that I will be given the opportunity to shape and inspire two bright up-and-coming minds for the future." After the first day of waking up at 7 in the morning to drive to their house to spend ten hours in the company of a ten year old and an eight year old, I quickly realized that I must have been drugged when I accepted the job. But now, looking at it in retrospect, I am thankful that this is how I chose to spend my summer. In between the moments of the fragile diabetic ten year old trying to sneak fruit roll-ups past me while the stoic eight year old looks at me like I am a lunatic when I ask him to put his shoes on so we can go to the movies, there were some great moments.

Me: Do you guys want to go to Chuck-E-Cheese?

Lil' Joey (The stoic eight year old): Yeah!

Cool Blue (The diabetic ten year old): Nah. I stopped liking that place when I was, like, eight.

Lil' Joey: Okay, Cool Blue. Since you are too mature and cool for Chuck-E-Cheese and since you are practically a grown-up, they have a special menu for you now. Yeah, you can order from the adult menu. It's full of vegetables and stuff like that. So you can eat your broccoli while I play.

There were no words.
______

*We are all making origami*

Cool Blue: I need to make something for Mom and Dad. Hmm.. I can make Mom a butterfly. I don't know what to make Dad. What does Dad like?

Lil' Joey: Dad likes Mom. Make an origami version of Mom.

Once again, there were no words.
______

*Playing Monopoly*

Cool Blue: Ugh, I need to straighten all of these hotels. I'm OCD."

Lil' Joey: Cool Blue, you're not actually OCD. You only act that way because you like to think you're OCD. But you're not, your room is a mess.

Lil' Joey knows how to shut down a conversation.
______

*Driving home from Art Camp*

Lil' Joey: I wonder what kind of robots we will have when I am an old man.

Cool Blue: I don't think they can make anything else. I am pretty sure we have created everything that can ever be created.

Lil' Joey: What are you talking about? You haven't created anything.

Cool Blue: No, I mean "we" as in the human race.

Lil' Joey: Oh. Then no way! There's still a ton to create.

Cool Blue:: I don't know. I think this is it.

Lil' Joey: I bet that's what people were saying about the size of TVs a long time ago. Now look at us. Have you seen our TV?

It was at that moment when I looked in the rear view mirror and thought, "Who are you people?"
______

I know what you're thinking, "These boys sound hilarious. How could you not want to be around them?" But you have to understand, they only speak about 30% of the time. The other 70% is spent with their eyes glued to their handheld electronics as if they each have a personal vendetta to uphold.

This summer is coming to an end and I have to admit that I am a little upset. While I won't miss waking up early or the sound of plates breaking or a sea of smoke flooding from the kitchen.. I will miss the boys running up to me saying things like, "Can you help us freeze soap bubbles?!", "Have you ever made a telegraph?", "I don't get why people buy paper towels that aren't Bounty.", "You have long arm hair. I think if you wore a mask, people would think you're a boy.", "How can you like reading?", and "Can we go upstairs to hide from the zombies?"

To commemorate our eventful/extremely dull summer together, Lil' Joey wrote a poem about it as one of his summer writing projects for school. Here it is:

A warm gentle breeze
blows through the trees
but I didn't see it
because I was at the movies

We went to the pool
and it was pretty cool

Bryce had a bloody nose
but Jillianne cleaned it
with a water hose

We went to Subway
but she parked so far away
I asked, "Do we have to walk that?"
she said, "It's so you don't get too fat"

We had an art class in Bay Saint Louis
but when we got there
they said it was a funeral service^

She made guacamole
I said, "Holy moly"

It was time to go
but we wouldn't stop playing Halo

She told Bryce to check his blood
but he sighed and gave her a shrug^

Some friends came over
and there was a zombie take-over

She made me ham and cheese
and said I didn't even need to say please

I won at Monopoly
because I had hotel property

I've got a chill babysitter
so please, nobody hit her^

When he read this to me, I loved my job. I told him I was going to miss him and that maybe I would visit him one day at school. He said, "Please don't. I'll pretend I don't know you."

Thanks boys. I love you too.

^Spoken verbally but not in the final cut

Dry Docked

   I have not been on the water in months. Looking back on the summer as a whole, I probably went water sporting three times. I know it seems like this blog was abandoned, but I assure you it is not. Over the summer I took up a very important job and was working on art related things in order to propel me towards Savannah, Georgia. I was also traveling, reading, and dealing with a family tragedy. My heart belongs in a kayak, but sometimes we have to hang it up while we work on other things. But now that I am back at school and back on a schedule, I guarantee that I will begin to post much more frequently. They may not all be about kayaking, but I promise they will be entertaining.

  Summer is over and school is in session. I'd like to share the books that filled my summer break and give a short review of each one:
Phenomenal: not a bad choice to enhance your train ride to work or your BLT filled lunch break. 
Brain On Fire: My personal favorite. Helped me appreciate my health.
Invisible Man: Surprising to see what has changed and what hasn't since the time it was written.
Death of a Salesman: Obvious ending that I thought would be more of a metaphor...
The Diving Bell and the Butterfly: Absolutely beautiful. Go read it now.
Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?: Light and easy. You may or may not laugh out loud.
All the Light We Cannot See: Overrated, skip it, save your money and your time.
Hitchhiking with Larry David: Underrated and unknown. Diamond in the rough. Restored my faith in a few things.
Let's Pretend This Never Happened: I guarantee you'll have a good belly laugh every now and then, even if you don't admit to it.

Madison

   "Should we sing?  I feel like we should sing," Madison calls out to me across the water.
   "No, that's really -"
   "WHEN THE MOON HITS YOUR EYE LIKE A BIG PIZZA PIE.... THAT'S AMORE," she belts out.
   I quietly laugh and continue to paddle towards the bay.
   "Am I doing better than Sarah Anne?" she asks, beginning the sibling rivalry.
   I couldn't lie, "Honestly, yes. You are.  I mean, nowadays, she is much better.  But she's done it more often.  But her first time? She sucked.  She couldn't go straight, she had no idea.  You, you're killing it."
   "Sweet," she smiles ear to ear.
   As we pass the common "No Wake" signs, I think of the first time Sarah Anne saw one and asked if they had to do with funerals.  I figured Madison will know what they mean.
   "No Wake? What does that mean? You can't wake anyone up?  I guess I should apologize for singing so loudly earlier..."
 
   As we're paddling towards the southern side of the Bay Bridge, rain clouds start to flood the sky.  I bring this to Madison's attention and she seems pretty disappointed.  I try to explain, "If it starts raining, and we're 2 miles away from the house... We are beyond screwed."
   After hearing that, Madison begins to understand.
   We turn the yaks around and watch a mullet hurl itself out from the water about ten feet away from Madison.  She screams out, "FISH! Did you see that?!"
   I laugh, "I did."
   About two seconds later, it jumps out a second time, this time about five feet from Madison.
   "They normally jump in sets of-"
   The mullet jumps out again, flying seven feet in the air, and landing smack dab on the bow of her kayak and then flopping back into the water.
   It takes a moment for us to register what we just witnessed.
   "Madison!" I yell, unable to believe it.
   "Oh oh oh ohhhhh ohh ohh ohhhhh oh, did you see that? It was like two feet away from landing in my kayak!"
   "What would you have done!"
   "I don't know! Probably jump out!"
   I throw my head back laughing in agreement and applaud her for having the coolest experience I've ever seen while kayaking.
   We stay where we are for a few moments, laughing and processing, before the clouds remind us that we need to head back.
   While we pass through Alligator Alley, one of the residents has his sprinkler on.  Part of its range includes a narrow part of the water.  Madison takes this as an invitation.  She smiles and says, "I'm going to go for it. Sprinkler time!"
   I try to stop her, but it was too late.  She is gliding right under the trail, soaking herself while laughing with glee, "YAY!"
   "I'll have to move it closer next time," a man calls out from somewhere.  I look up and see a man standing on the house's balcony.  My face floods with red as I smile and apologize.
   "Oh no, it's fine. Again, I'll move it closer next time for ya."
   I smile at a silent and clearly embarrassed Madison and say, "You hear that, Madison? Next time."
   She laughs quietly, avoiding looking at the man, "Next time."