Off The Yak: In College

   First things first (I'm the realest), I apologize to anyone who comes to my blog and expects to find every post be about kayaking.  I realize that nowadays each entry gets a little further away from that and becomes more centered about my schooling.  But my readers need to realize that I am not back on the yak as much as I would like to be.  Last year it was my reality because it was what I had time for.  Now, school is my reality.  I've traded my paddle for a paper.  It's harsh and I wish it weren't true, but unfortunately we can't always get what we want.  But I will make this promise to you: For every lousy post about college, I will post two about a previous kayaking excursion.  How is that? I hope that is sufficient enough.  Don't fret and don't leave me.  More is to come.  Announcements to be made.  Each day that goes by is one day closer to warmer weather.  The kayaks will come out of storage soon enough.  I promise.

   Now, to business.  I realize that I have only been in college for two months, but I pay attention and stay aware so I have already concocted a list of tips that up and coming collegians should have under their hat:

• Cover the walls
• Go to Target, buy a fair share of Command hooks (buy the ones that can hold a hefty amount of weight, 3lbs) Bring pictures, paintings, posters, anything.  Buy a cheap chalkboard decal, stick some on the wall or on the door to draw pictures or leave notes for your roommate.  Hang a bulletin board, dry erase board, a calendar.  Every space you cover makes your room more and more homey.  If you have your own bathroom, bring pieces to hang up in there.  Have some things by the door and by the vanity.  Any wall space is an opportunity.
• Take out the trash
• Do not wait until you are playing a game of Jenga with the trash.  The trashcan will win, and you will have a monstrosity of a mess to clean up.  Once a week.  It's easy.  You leave for class 7 minutes earlier and bring the bag with you.  
• Stay on top of everything
• Homework is a given.  You get an assignment on Monday.  "But it's not due until Wednesday."  No.  Do it Monday night.  Do not wait until 10 o'clock on Tuesday night to do it.  Something could go wrong, the printer could decide to throw a fit, you may not understand something, you may have something else you really want to get to.  
• Plan ahead, at least a little
• Dish out time accordingly.  The other night I had a club meeting to go to.  I looked on their Facebook page to find that they would be watching a movie.  How fun!! I love movies!  Unfortunately I had a huge history exam the following morning.  I couldn't justify going to see a film when I had studying to do.  If the meeting had been a discussion or planning an event, I would have gone.  But it was actually the perfect meeting to skip.  You can't be too prepared for anything, especially a test.  And there is no worse feeling than that sinking feeling of I shouldn't have done.. I should have studied.
• Read
• Instead of watching TV in between classes, read a book.  You feel much more productive and satisfied afterwards, plus it gives much more knowledge than any TV program.  Reading is a skill, you get better with practice.  Each time you read you get a little faster and you retain a little more, which is a wonderful tool to have in college.
• Go to the cafeteria for food
• It's free, it's hot, it's not all bad, and someone else makes it.  While having a few snacks in the room is nice, don't waste all your money on instant food when you have a plethora of food you are already paying for waiting for you in the Union. 
• Don't just stock up on cookies.  Visit the salad bar, get some chick peas, load up your plate with strawberries.
• Attend class
• I know it's tempting.  Believe me.  You're all snuggled up and cozy in your warm bed, the last thing you want to do is walk across campus in 20 degree weather to your 9 am class.  But go anyway.  Most classes have an attendance policy and you are only given so many days to miss before your grade is lowered.  Don't say, "Screw this, I got 4 more days I can miss.  I'm sleeping in."  No.  Go to class.  Save those days for when you are sick or it's the last couple weeks of school and you were up all night tweaking a paper.  
• Also, teachers love to give random attendance quizzes.  One day in my psychology class, about 18 out of 200 people showed up.  My professor smiled at us and said, "This looks like a great day to take role."  
• You don't need Starbucks everyday
• It's right there, you pass it everyday, and the line is so short right now!  I get it.  But your wallet does not.  And after three or four weeks when all you have is spare change, was it all really worth it?  Last night I asked my roommate if she wanted to go to Chick-fil-A with me, she sighed and said she couldn't because she had already spent all 275 dollars worth of her Bonus Bucks (if you have a meal plan, it normally includes something like this to spend at restaurants on campus).  I was shocked, "HOW?"  She laughed and said that after her English class she always goes to Starbucks and gets a venti ice tea. sigh
• Don't be afraid to switch roommates
• She's a slob, she's rude, and she snores.  No hard feelings.  Go to your RA and tell her.  This is about you.  Your dorm room should be a sanctuary of sorts, it should be comforting.  If your roommate is scary or you dread seeing her in the room when you get back, that's not good.  Be with someone who is comforting, or at least doesn't sleep in your bed when you're gone.
• Start a long lasting relationship with water
• Buy a case for your room each month.  Carry one in your backpack at all times.  Trade in your Sprite for it at lunch.  Always have one with you in class.  
• Go to the gym
• People, it's free.  You're paying to be there, the gym is at your disposal.  And it's so nice!  Just go for a little bit.  Take a Zumba class! Or yoga! Or CrossFit!  It's FREE!  When you're an adult, you'll be wishing you had a free gym right down the street from you.
• Don't buy a printer
• It only costs 5 cents a page to print.  Let's say you buy a printer that costs 35 dollars.  Just for the printer to pay for itself, you would need to print over 700 sheets.  That's just to cover the cost of the printer.  What about paper? And INK?  Ink is the most ridiculously overpriced item on the market.  I don't know what you're printing, but I can take a guess and say that it's not more than 700 pages.  I know having a printer in your room is convenient, but it is so not worth it.  

Homage to Home

   Anyone who is planning to go to college at some point in there lives needs to know about basic introductions.  Any body you meet will ask for your name, your hometown, and your major.  It's all very standard stuff.  Try to generalize those first three things.  Same specifics for the next round, it lengthens the conversation, engages everyone a little bit more, and shows more personality.  For example, I say, "I'm Jillianne.  I'm from south Mississippi, the coast.  And I'm an Art Major."  Next round, they'll probably ask how far is your hometown, and ask for more info on your major.  But for me, since I hate the standard intro, I go for something a little more.. spunky? I ask, "So name, and so and so major.  What else is there to know?"  This always throws them for a loop.  For one, they didn't think anyone would care.  Two, it completely brakes the shell of the standard convo.  They'll typically say, "Uh, I don't know.  What about you?"  Hoping you'll fall into the same trap they just did.  Wrong.  "Well, I kayak.  I have a killer blog about it, you should check it out btw," Bam.  You now have plenty of material for a conversation that should last the entire route of wherever you are walking to.  You're welcome.
   To the point.  This is after four or five rounds of conversing with someone.  They know all about my major, my goals, my hopes and dreams, and they know I'm serious about kayaking.  So they ask more.  "Where do you kayak?" they ask.  This is a tricky one.  The simple answer is, "Mallini's Bayou."  But they are from someplace 35 minutes west of Dallas, they have no grasp on what part of "the south" I am from, and they certainly have no earthly idea what "Mallini's Bayou" means.  They want something awesome like "In the middle of the ocean" or "Down these white rapids that are behind my house" or even "When I said I kayak, I meant I did it once when I was on vacation with my family at a lake.  I'm sorry I lied, here's a dollar for your troubles.  Oh you won't take a dollar? How about store credit at Starbucks?"   So I have to generalize but make it sound just as epic as it really is.
   Here we go.
   "Well... I live two miles from the beach.  I haven't been out there yet.  The water is always pretty choppy when I get out there.  Not Atlantic Ocean choppy, but enough to flip a kayak with the same ease as flicking someone on the nose.  So there's this bayou right?  Not bayou as in the waters are covered in green stuff and looks like a golf course.  I mean, there are gators and there is a golf course next door, but not that kind of bayou.  It's about 20 minutes from my house.  It's so nice! We put the kayaks in a drop off in a stranger's yard and the water is always perfect.  It's a series of creeks and caverns with a canopy of trees covering the whole thing!  There are houses along every edge, and everyone usually waves.  Imagine you're going through a neighborhood but the streets have been replaced with streams and the cars have been replaced with boats.  If I'm lucky, I'm out there when the sun is going down.  The coast of Mississippi has the most beautiful sunsets and I will argue that until the day I die."
   Sometimes I do just say, "In the middle of the ocean."  It depends on how much sleep I got the night before and how comfortable my shoes are.

Mom

   It's 12 o'clock on a hot June day.  I'm reading, Mom is somewhere doing something, and for some reason, I think it's a good idea to go kayaking right now.  Looking back now, mistakes were made.  Mom being the compliant person she is, says she would love to go kayaking.  So we load everything up, tell my sister we'll be back in a little bit, down ourselves in bug spray, and that's it.
   When we pull up to the drop off, small waves are sloshing against it.  I don't know why I was surprised, anyone would know that if you go to the water in the middle of the day, the tide will be on the move.  But we went out anyway.
   Once we get away from the house and out into the bigger part of the bayou, it immediately starts to feel like we are kayaking on a treadmill.  It doesn't help that Mom has the old broken paddle that doesn't stay together on its own.  She yells out, "Jillianne, what part of this is enjoyable?"  The burn starts to come over us.  Even I start to complain a bit.  Here we are, paddling as fast as our bodies can paddle, and yet we're going nowhere.  It's not like the other times I've gone when we could just mosey along and make it in excellent time.  No, now we have to exert every once of strength we have just to travel three feet.
   After a while Mom says, "Man, if we did this everyday, we'd have Susan Lucci arms in no time."  I laugh and agree but make a point that we will never kayak during this time ever again.
   We make a dash to Alligator Alley and she shrieks, "NO! Sweetie, I don't want you kayaking through this ever again! This place filled with gators.  Look at this water! No no no.  I can't believe we're going this way."  I try to calm her down by telling her to look up at the beautiful canopy of trees, but moms will be moms.
   We get to a point where we're ready to turn around, but when we do, a wicked thing happens..
   One would think that the moment we turned around we would go extra fast because the current would be pushing us along.  But no, it was as if the moment we turned around, the tide did as well.  Going back was not any easier than before.  It was just as horrific.  I'm apologizing to Mom the entire way, but she's done complaining.  She's just trying her best to hold the paddle together while booking it back to the house.  Not many words were said, there was just the sound of heavy breathing and the waves colliding with the kayaks.
   I know I ruined the idea of kayaking for my mother.  But once the horrible memories of that trip fade away, we'll head back out, in the evening, and kayaking's perfect reputation will be redeemed.

Toe-Pro

   It's New Years Day, about 50 so degrees outside, and I'm sitting at my dining room table with my 2015 glasses (which I bought at Walmart along with a life vest.  The ingredients for a good time, I know) on while eating a BLT.  My shoulders are sore, there's a lump on my shin, and I'm tired.


   "Bella! Do you want to go kayaking?" I ask.
   "Sure," she responds happily.
   "You can be on my blog!"
   "Ooh la la, really?"
   "Of course!"
   "Well, we'd have to do something awesome.  Something that those Czech Republicans will remember!"
 
   We return from Walmart, glasses and vest in hand.  I grab our waters, throw the vests and paddles in the back, and I give Bella a lesson on how to strap a kayak to a Volvo.  On the way to Mallini's I apologize in advance for paddling too fast or not taking enough breaks or anything else that previous kayak companions had complained about.  I tell her how much I want to see an alligator again and ask if she knows when alligator feeding time is? She said she didn't.  Bummer.
   We pull up to the house and it's odd, but Bella was actually the first person who didn't ask, "Do you know these people?"  Not a peep from her, totally on board.
   Follow the routine: kayaks off, life vests on, paddles together, water closed, car locked.

   "This water is so still," Bella calls to me.
   "I know.. Where's an alligator?"
   I pull closer to the edge of the water to look for crabs or snakes, but alas, none to be found.  The bridge is approaching and I tell Bella to duck and stay as straight as she can.  I make it under with no issue.  I'm heading for the second bridge when I hear a loud thud followed by, "Ugh!"  I turn around and see Bella stuck between the legs of the bridge.
   "Sorry," she laughs.
   I smile, "All good, just go backwards."

   We make it out of Alligator Alley alive and without seeing a gator. I tell Bella to head for the opening ahead and we make a break for it.  Soon enough, the waters get choppy and the waves splash my pants.  Stay aggressive.  Make it around the rocks and everything calms down.  No problem.  Seagulls and pelicans sit along the sidelines cocking their heads from side to side in mockery.

   We're on our way back to the drop off, Bella's in front of me and I snap a picture of her.  A picture isn't enough.  All I want is a video.  I'm thinking, I'm thinking.  I don't want to stop and video everything, that's boring and it's been done before.  I think about holding my phone with my chin but that would be uncomfortable and it would fall constantly.  *Light bulb*  I grab my phone, press record, and put in my Chaco, my toes holding it.  I stretch my legs out to where they normally are, and paddle onward.  I'm brilliant.
   I start to pass Bella and say, "Look Bella, I made a Go-Pro."
   She turns her head and bursts out laughing, "Oh my gosh, stop, I have to take a picture!"

   We return home from our adventure.  I walk in the house with my leg throbbing from the kayak crashing into my shin when we took them off the car.  Bella shows her mom, Rene, the picture of my genius homemade Go-Pro.  She laughs and says, "Toe-Pro."

   I want to thank everyone who let #backontheyak be a part of their lives in 2014, and I look forward to 2015 bringing many more.  This past year brought many challenges, some of which were included in this blog, but it also brought many blessings.  So keep smiling and I hope 2015 brings you all more happiness and contentment than you thought possible.

Thank you and Happy Holidays -           

Jillianne          

Keep Calm and Paddle On

   The other day someone asked me, "Oh, you still kayak?"
   I was a little stunned.  I had no idea kayaking was such a fad to this ignorant person.  Of course I still kayak you moron.  Why would I not kayak?  You ask as if it's a parallel to playing with Polly Pockets or flipping the light switch on and off nine times before leaving a room.  Why on Earth would I not kayak anymore?
   I respond with a puzzled, "Yess..?"
   The person takes a sip of a drink and says cooly, "Why?"
   "What do you mean?"
   Is this a trick question?  I feel like I'm in a beauty pageant and I'm obligated to respond with an answer along the lines of, "For world peace, of course,"  followed with the audience applauding me for my profound yet pompous answer.
   My actual response could be one of the following two:
   
1)     "My God, tell me again how many times you were dropped as a baby?  Of course I kayak.  It's hard work and something I thoroughly enjoy.  And I'm extremely fortunate to have something that qualifies as both.  It seems a chore until I'm out on that water, when all cares melt away under the sun.  Actually working towards my destination using only the paddle in my hands.  Listening to the birds as they tell me about their lives through song.  Watching the mullets as they fly out of water not once, not twice, but a remarkable three times!  Hearing the waves as they ripple past me.  Waving hello to families sitting on their porches enjoying the day with me.
     "Kayaking is almost a religious experience for me.  It leaves me feeling the same way a devout feels when they leave Church, Temple, Dhyana, or any other religious ceremony in current existence.  I don't always believe in a celestial being, but when I do, it's when I'm out in that bay.  My eyes are closed, my head is back, and my face is head on with the boundless sky.  Nothing moves, there is complete silence, and everything is in alignment with each other.  I feel like I'm floating while watching my body sit on the water.  In that moment, I can feel the higher power kissing me on the forehead in approval.  And then I'm jolted back to Earth.
     "So yes, I "still kayak" and I do it because I have yet to find anything quite like it."

2)     "Because it's awesome and I love it and you have no idea."

   You can decide for yourself which one I said.